Welcome 2008!

Just wishing everyone a happy and safe New Year's Eve celebration tonight! I'm stuck at home but hubby and I will be celebrating by ourselves, lol!

A little quick update. I am feeling better cold wise. Still have a cough but my breathing is better so I'm getting back to it. Just because 2007 is over does not mean I am ready to give up!! I'm going to still keep fighting!

Come back for my updates soon (this week, maybe even tomorrow?)

You have GOT to be kidding me!!!!

So...guess what? I am sick AGAIN! I am so angry right now! I have been sick pretty much since the first of September. It's now the end of December? I've been on two anti-biotics and would start feeling better for a few weeks and then BAM! right back to being sick again! My kids have had stuffy runny noses and coughs and my husband had it real bad last week. He is feeling better now but he was soo nice enough to give it back to me! UGH! It's things like this that make me want to give up on the whole idea of trying to lose weight. I can't workout when I'm sick like this! Most of it is in my chest and head. I have to breathe through my mouth just sitting here at the desk, I would probably pass out if I tried to work out! I'm not normally like this. I usually get sick once or twice an entire year and that's it. Once it is gone, it stays gone for a long time. When my husband went to the doctor he suggested getting some Lysol spray and spraying down the house to get rid of the germs. We have done that and gotten a humidifier to help with the dry air, but they haven't helped at all. I'm at a loss. I can't lose weight if I can't work out. Well, I could I suppose but it would be very slow and pretty much futile. The only good thing about being sick is that my nose is so congested that I can't taste anything. If I can't taste it then I don't want to bother with eating. I guess that is the ONLY good thing about it! I am just sick of being SICK!

When will things be normal?

Ok so i started to think that things were going to get back into a somewhat normal routine. I guess I should stop thinking so much, right? Our van decided to crap out on us over the weekend. The alternator went out. My husband had to miss two days of work and the last two days we have been running around here and there trying to get it taken care of. It's finally fixed, thankfully. That was just what we wanted for xmas..our van to take a poop a week before the holiday! But that is always how our luck seems to go!

Anyway, so we have finally started getting back into eating healthier and today was the first day I decided to try working out again. OMG..it was like starting all over. I couldn't do too much. I'm not as flexible as I was and don't have the stamina that I used to. Ugh, I'm so angry at myself for losing the strength that I had before! I know I will build it back up eventually but it just makes me mad that I let myself do this to myself! I do have some motivation to keep eating healthier. For awhile I was having really bad indigestion. The kind that hurts in your chest and it was beginning to be really painful! Eating lots of junk food is not worth that pain and agony of indigestion like that! Every time I think about eating something "bad" I just think about that pain and it makes the food not even look good anymore!

I'm not sure how well my husband is going to do with this. He loves to eat. He has never really had to worry about it because he got an 8 hour work out at work every day so he could eat whatever he wanted. Now that he has gotten laid off for the winter he is still eating what he wants but can see the pounds creeping on. It's time that we both take control of it. I'm going to try and cheer him on as much as I can so that we can both be healthier! It will be harder for him though because he does not like very many vegetables and that is something he will need to eat. I will have to come up with some creative ideas for him, i guess!

My twins are about to start preschool with our oldest son so a few days out of the week we will have the afternoons to ourselves so maybe we can use some of that time to get out and go do something like take a walk. Any exercise is good exercise!

She's baacckkkk!

Wow, it's been so long since ive posted here. I have totally been neglecting my blogs here but not on purpose. Not because I'm bored with it or dont want to do it anymore. I just havent had time! Let's see..since I last posted in here, my husband had surgery. Everything went fine and he got back to work. That week he started back to work I began to work out again and watched what I ate. At the end of that week his whole crew got laid off for the winter. We knew it was coming but didnt think it would be that early. I started getting sick again...and sicker. I finally went to the doctor again since I have been sick since the beginning of September! He put me on another anti-biotic. I am feeling a little better now, just still have a cough. I'm so sick of being sick! All of this being sick crap has gotten me way off of my routine and I have gained back some pounds..like TEN! I'm soooo mad at myself! Even though I wasnt able to work out I should have still watched what I ate. Anyway, so my husband has gotten another job for the winter but he works 2nd shift which I'm not used to. Now that Im starting to feel better I have to re-arrange my workout schedule and fit it in while he is at work. I need to start again now before I end up gaining everything back again! It's almost like I can feel the extra weight. My stomach feels bigger and i feel bloated all the time. I hate that feeling. I felt a lot better when I was in control of eating and working out. I'm going to try and start posting here more frequently because I do feel like it was a big help coming here and venting or voicing my good news!

Being the fat girl

This is something I wrote when my internet was out for a week and am just now getting around to posting it! I will be writing more on the subject in the future! (by the way, the week is going good for me, so far!)

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No one knows what it's like to be a fat person except for another fat person. No one knows what it's like to grow up a fat person except for someone who has grown up being a fat person as well. I know a lot of people end up gaining weight later in life, whether it be after having children or just, well, growing older. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones if you were able to live part of your life not being overweight.

I have been overweight since around the age of 4-5 years. I don't even remember what it's like to be thin. I've always been overweight. I've always been the fat kid in school. I spent most of my childhood being made fun of, called names and always being picked last. Only a fat person will know what that sort of torment can to do ones self esteem. I've spent most of my life hating myself. I avoid the mirror like it's the freakin' plague. I can't stand to look at my reflection. When I do decide to look I end up being completely disgusted. All I see is a fat slob in there. I don't see myself. I don't see the real me. I don't know what my face truly looks like. My face has always been covered with fat and a double chin (a big one at that, that I managed to inherit from my mother and her mother!). Boys were never interested in me. They were always interested in my friends, not me. If they WERE interested in me then it was just because they figured since I'm fat I would give "it" up easily. Ofcourse I had crushes like any other typical blossoming girl. I liked boys but they never liked me. Most of them would be polite and start off with, "you're a really sweet girl, but I just don't like you in THAT way"...Or they would make up an excuse such as, "i just got out of a relationship and don't want to get into a new one for a long time, I just want to stay single for awhile"..then two weeks later I see them with some new girl.

Rejection really takes its toll on someone like me. The constant criticism, the constant rejection. I've spent my life hating myself and hating who I am. Now I have a wonderful husband who is always telling me how beautiful I am and he really gets upset if I call myself the fat word. He told me once that he doesn't understand how I can still hate myself after how he compliments me so often. I've tried to explain to him what my life has been like. Ofcourse he doesn't understand. He is a big guy, but not really fat for the most part. He's just big and stocky and muscular (mmmm, lol). He has never really been "obese". He has a very confident personality, he can walk up to any stranger and start a conversation. I, on the other hand, have always been the one that just stands in the corner. The wall flower that just waits for someone to come and talk to ME.

Now at the age of 30 I'm starting to get depressed about growing older. Im looking back at the last 30 years of life thinking of how much I have missed out on because of my weight. How many friendships or relationships I may have missed because of my low self esteem and zero confidence. I feel like I have lost the best years of my life because of my weight and what it has done to my emotional state of being. I can't get those years back. Im seeing the lines in my face growing every day. I feel like I havent enjoyed life like I should have.

I know that I am very lucky to have a man who loves me for ME. I have 3 beautiful children whom I sometimes think deserve a better mother than what they got. I see a lot of thin and "beautiful" people that are still playing the dating game waiting to find mr. right and maybe they are jealous of what I have? I still feel like I have missed out on so many experiences and I can't go back in time and get them back. I don't want to die feeling disappointed with myself.

Being overweight is more than just a physical issue. There are so many emotions that go along with it. So much depression and self-hatred. I know there are some overweight women who are very confident and happy with themselves and I do admire them. I just wish I could have half of the confidence they have. I dread meeting new people. I am terrified that they are going to make fun of me or not like me because I'm fat. I'm very shy when I meet people. I have a hard time opening up to people. I would love to just go out and talk to all sorts of people like my husband does, but I just don't have it in me (well, unless I have had a lot to drink, lol). I told my husband that when I go out I like to get drunk just because the alcohol helps me to lose my shyness and I have more fun when I talk to people more! I can't stay drunk all the time though, can I? just kidding.

Winter is approaching!

I thought that by winter time I would need to be buying a whole new winter wardrobe because of all of the weight I had lost. Isn't that a laugh? I dont need any new winter clothes this year. Dont get me wrong, my jeans are looser this year and my clothes are fitting better than they did last year, but I dont need any new ones, damn it! I was just sitting here earlier realizing that I started all of this on January 1st. Here it is November 5 and what do I have to show for it? A lousy ass 25 lbs lost. For 11 months. Isn't that pathetic? Today is a new day though and Im ready to start again. I've gotten a lot of motivation from my new friend that I spoke about earlier. I did finally weigh myself last week and I have only gained back like 3 lbs...and when I weighed I was fully dressed and had already eaten breakfast (i always weigh with no clothes first thing in the morning before I eat or drink anything). How I did it, I dont know? I've been eating horribly for awhile now. I was getting to the point that come bedtime I would be feeling gassy and bloated every night like I used to feel. Hating myself for stuffing my face that day! My depression has been back and my insecurities are causing some problems for me again..I dont need that crap. I dont want to be that way again. I was feeling so good about myself when I was losing weight and I need to get back to that again for my health and sanity and marriage! My husband doesn't care what I weigh but my insecurities and depression are causing problems for us again. I dont want to live that way again. Right now I am in the right state of mind about food. Junk food is just sounding disgusting to me and I dont want that nasty bloated feeling that comes with eating it!

My husband went back to work today (more on that later one) so Im trying to get back into the routine of everything again. For breakfast I had a whole wheat English Muffin toasted with a slice of cheese and water. Sometimes toasted food will give me heartburn and this morning was really bad. I was feeling good when I got up but after I ate i started feeling sick from the heartburn. I worked out for about 25 minutes but had to stop when I felt like I was going to throw up. Something from breakfast didnt settle well with me today and I dont know why. I used to eat that all the time, lol. I did get a decent work out in. I have to get my body used to working out again. It's like starting all over again, but I love how working out makes me feel afterwards! Now I just wish my stomach would straighten up so I can feel better today! I just hope this state of mind stays with me this time. I fell off the wagon for quite awhile and was all of that junk food worth it? NO! What do I have to show for it? An upset stomach and a few extra pounds, that's what! I'm soo angry at myself for wasting all of this time when I could have lost a significant amount of weight by now.

Someone asked me awhile ago if I was going to change the logo for my blog because it has the year 2007 on it. I thought about it and decided that Im not going to change it. This is my journey to the new me. I dont know how long this journey will take but 2007 will always be the year that started it!

Ok, onto other things. My husband had his surgery on the 23rd. The surgeon said his insides were a mess, all of his organs were twisted up and in a big ball right in the middle of his stomach but the doctor says everything is fine now. He hasnt gotten sick one time since his surgery two weeks ago. I didnt work out at all while he was home because like I said before, I dont work out around him, lol. This past week we did go for a couple of walks though once he was feeling up to it. Tonight Im going to sit down with him and have a talk with him about him helping me with my weight loss. Ive written about it a few times in here. He says I dont need to lose weight (wth??) and he is always bringing junk food into the house or trying to talk me into going out to eat. I am not good with temptation. I have a very hard time saying no if it is right in front of me and it will help me a lot if the temptation just isn't there!

Ok, that's my little update for now. I'm hoping to start posting more often again like I used to!!

It's mid October, already!

Where have I been? Well, my internet was out for over a week. To be honest, I really didn't miss it that much, lol. I spent last week getting things done that I never have time to do anymore. It was back on as of Saturday but then yesterday it was out again for 5 hours! Ugh, Time Warner Cable!!!! Now I have to try and catch up on everything including work. I lost a lot of money not being able to work for an entire week, but I needed the little break. I was getting too burned out.

I am still sick. I have been sick for over a month now. My oldest son got it and his lasted for a week and a half when i decided it was time for both of us to go to the doctor. We both have Bronchitis and are on anti-biotics. Needless to say, I haven't been working out much. I started again today just walking and I was still breathing hard, mostly from the Bronchitis and Im sure some of it was from not working out for awhile. I'm ready to start doing cardio again but I know I can't do it until the Bronchitis is gone. My eating has been....hmm.... ok, I guess. I have been trying to eat better things. I dont know. I'm sitting here thinking that it's the middle of October and I had planned on being soo much lighter by now. ..I met a new friend. Actually, she is a friend of my husbands, they grew up together and found each other on myspace. So far, I like her a lot and she seems like someone I could really get along with. She told me lastnight that she has lost 80 lbs since May! MAY! I am happy for her but a little bit jealous, too! I asked her how she did it and she said just watching what she has been eating and she rides her bike every day (i forget how many miles a day). She said for awhile she was losing like 13 lbs a week, but now only (only! lol) 3-4 lbs a week. Im so jealous!

I feel like I'm grasping at straws here. Part of me wants to continue and lose the weight but I feel like I have lost a lot of my ambition. When I first started, you could put a piece of pizza in front of me and I wouldn't eat it. Now, I wouldn't be able to resist it anymore. My husband has been such a bad influence on me, too. My new friend says that when her husband brings junk food home she throws it straight in the trash..I wish I had the will power to do that, lol!..I just don't have the ambition for it anymore. I dont know what happened or where it went. Ive been reading the weight loss message boards trying to get some inspiration but nothing is helping much. I know I have to get myself back to it, but part of me feels like I just dont want to anymore. BUT, I'm so tired of being fat!...My self esteem has been down again. My husband hasn't been showing me much affection or any kind of interest lately which makes me feel like a big fat pile of poop.

This week, I'm going to really try and push myself back into the game. I have to, for my health and my family!

My husband is having surgery a week from today (the 23rd). Found out the cyst on his kidney is nothing to worry about... He has over 80 tumors in his gall bladder (not stones...TUMORS), which is causing his gall bladder to be double in size, which is pushing around the other organs getting them inflamed and all screwed up. He was in a bad car accident as a teenager and has a lot of scar tissue on his stomach so they can't go through the belly button like they would normally do. They are going to have to do an incision in his side and break a rib to get to his gall bladder. The doctors said he will feel so much better after he is healed. He wont be sick all of the time anymore. The only thing is he will have to stay away from pop (soda) and greasy and spicy foods..which in a way, could be a good thing for me, too. If he does eat greasy foods he will be really sick afterwards. I know it's going to be hard for him, it will be hard for both of us, but it will be better for our entire family! We really dont eat much greasy meals at home anymore, mostly fast food on the weekends. The doctor said that for the type of work he does (concrete) he should be a lot thinner than what he is and it's probably because his food hasnt digested properly...so after his surgery he is expected to lose a lot of weight, too. (is it right that I feel jealous that he will lose weight without even trying??). Im sure everything will turn out fine though and Im happy that he is going to feel so much better after everything is over!

Here I Go Again..On My Own...

Yes, I am in an 80's mood today, lol!!!.. Well, last week wasn't so great. I was just really busy and still feeling sick. My oldest baby started school last week *sniffles* and I was trying to work as much as possible. My sons teacher does home visits twice a month so now I'm going to have to squeeze those in every couple of weeks, too!..Anyway, I've been feeling crappy all week, mostly from not working out and I have been eating really badly. I just feel myself getting fatter and fatter and gaining pounds back but I refuse to get back on the scale because it will just depress me more!! However, today is Monday and it's a brand new week and I am feeling inspired again! I was getting tired of how I felt, just fat and yucky and was already planning on starting over today and getting back to it. Then lastnight I talked to a friend of mine. She has been trying to lose weight, too. She started before I did. She is able to actually go to a gym and work out (I'm jealous). Lastnight she told me she has lost 39 lbs now and was telling me about the cute clothes she has been buying. Saturday night she went out with her husband (he is in a band) and she got hit on by a few guys. I want to know that feeling!! It may sound shallow or immature but I have never had much attention from men. It was always my friends that got hit on and hardly ever me. It did happen once in awhile but it was rare and was always someone nasty, LOL!. I told her what an ego booster that must have been and she said she couldn't stop giggling all night! Im loving the clothes she has been wearing, too and I am mad at myself because I could be close to where she is by now. I SHOULD be close by now but I'm not and it's all MY fault. It's my fault for not being more diligent about my eating. I did work out every day before I got sick but would still eat badly most of the time. Well, not most of the time, but I had a lot of "cheats" that I shouldn't have had. I am really feeling motivated again! The other day I put in this 80's mix CD I burned and it made me want to move so I decided to use that for some of my workouts. I am feeling better from my cold..just have a little bit of a cough still left so today I'm getting back to my daily workouts. I already worked out this morning. I just started my monthly "friend" (she is no friend!) and Im realllly crampy and in pain but I still made myself do it! I put that mix CD in and just started dancing around. I threw in some work out moves here and there and I was sweating and feeling it! I'm going to start out like that and then slowly work myself back into the higher intensity workouts that I was doing. I know my body has to get used to it all over again since it has been about 2 weeks since I have really worked out. But I'm ready for it! I'm not dreading it..so hopefully this motivation will stick around again! I'm not going to weigh myself, I'm just going to go by how my clothes feel and keep driving to be able to get into the next lower size! I'm going to try and really watch what I eat again, too. There is some left over pizza in the refrigerator but for lunch I am just going to have one piece and give the rest to the kids and have something else healthy with it!

I'm going to post here whenever I get a chance. I'm still trying to work as much as possible but I miss blogging!

The power of Exercise!

I know I haven't been blogging much due to a few things. I have been sick for the past week and a half, I've started this new job and have been trying to log in and work whenever possible (with 3 toddlers in the house, I dont have much time to do anything!). The past few days have been very stressful. A bunch of things going wrong at once! Cars broke down, my husband's boss is being an ass (my husband found out a few weeks ago that he has an infected cyst on his kidney and needs surgery to have it removed and tested for cancer), our landlord is mad at my mother in law so she is taking it out on us...it's just been one thing after the other, more stress on top of more stress lately.

Anyway, my whole point of this post is to talk about the power of exercise. Like I said above, I've been sick for a week and a half now. A very bad chest cold. It was really bad in the beginning, now it's better but I still have a lot of chest congestion, coughing and wheezing. I stopped exericising when I first got sick and today was the first day I have attempted to exercise since then! I read a long time ago that when you are sick you should not exercise if you are having chest problems. Just going upstairs makes me wheeze and cough, however this past week has been hard for me with not exercising. I've noticed a big difference since I stopped exercising. I've felt depressed, I've had that "fat" feeling (if you are overweight, you know what Im talking about...there are some days when you just feel overly fat, lol). I have felt lazy because of not exercising and feel like I'm gaining my weight back just from the past week and a half of no workouts!

I decided to try something easy today..just walking at a fast pace. I did it for a little bit, maybe 15 minutes until my chest started hurting and I was wheezing again. I know I shouldn't force myself to work out when I'm still sick but I hate not getting that exercise in every day. I was going to attempt some light jogging today but if walking didn't go to well, jogging would probably kill me! Ugh, I hate this! I want to work out again but my body isn't working with me! When I get sick with a chest and head cold it always stays around for awhile, too. I'm going to keep doing the walking every day until my chest is better. I'm afraid that the more I sit around and don't work out the harder it is going to be for me to get back into it once I'm feeling better. Whether the numbers on the scale are going down or not, working out makes a huge impact on me mentally and physically! I feel better physically from working my body every day and I feel better mentally when I work out because it provides me with more energy and makes me a bit proud of myself for doing it every day! Even if the scales go down, I know that my body is going to be a lot healthier if I work out every day!

Challenge is over...

And it sucked! We only have a couple of people who joined it and there wasnt much participation...and I lost my motivation for awhile, too. I don't even have much to report because Im not weighing myself anymore..the scales is the devil!

I'm still going to report once a week here. My weekend was super busy. We went to a concert on Saturday and stood for about 5 hours...my feet and legs were soo sore by the time we left! Then Sunday we went to the zoo and walked around for about 5 hours. My legs were tired but I had fun. A year ago if I had gone to the zoo I would have been complaining about the walking and wanting to sit down to rest a lot. The only time we sat down the entire day was when we were eating lunch, so I was proud of myself..but we were sooo wore out by the time we were finished. My husband and I especially because we had been out the night before! I feel like Im finally catching up on my sleep. My husband had yesterday off of work but I still had to work. That is one thing that sucks about working from home, we don't get holidays!

I did work out again this morning. My legs are feeling it, too, after all of the walking and then I did a lot of running today. But I dont mind, I like that feeling! I'm going to try to force myself to get back on track with my eating this week.

My husband has had stomach problems for a long time. Last year when we separated it got really bad to where he was throwing up blood. He went to a million different doctors and they could never figure anything out. He went to a new doctor a few weeks ago and they think it is his gall bladder. He had an ultrasound after his first appointment and they found a lot of stones, so last week he had to have a CT Scan. He's still waiting to hear back from the doctor on that. I told him that he needs to control his eating. He knows what foods will make him sick. Anything spicy. A lot of milk. Onions. Doritos. He knows that he will be sick but he still eats it anyway. I told him I dont want to hear him complaining about it anymore because he still keeps eating the same things. Then I started thinking that I cant really bitch at him for it when I cant control my eating either! Even though I dont get as sick as he does, I still am hurting myself because I should have lost A LOT more weight by now but I havent because I have so much problem controlling what I eat. Why does food have such control over me? I mean, think about it. We chew it, we swallow it and then poop it out! Why should that give us such satisfaction? Sometimes if I eat too much I feel like crap afterwards and have stomach cramps from it, but I keep doing it to myself! I dont eat as badly as I used to and my clothes are still loose, but I should have lost more by now. I was excited the other day though. When we went to NYC I bought a shirt there. It fit but I would usually stretch it out a bit for it to be really comfortable. So the other day I put it on and I didnt even need to stretch it like normal! It's such a good feeling when I notice things like that, so why do I keep sabotaging it? Sometimes I just feel so burned out and sick of worrying about calories and fat and working out...but I have to remember that the results are going to be worth it! I'm not getting any younger and I want to be able to enjoy myself and like my body before old age makes it all sag and hang everywhere anyway, LOL!

Blah

Not a whole lot to post. This past week hasnt been that great. I'm starting to feel bored and tired of always worrying about calories and working out every day and I'm losing interest in it. I'm trying to hold on as much as I can because I do want to lose weight. I think a lot of it is because of the number on the scales not going down, too. That's not very good motivation. Ive been having good days and bad days. Im getting bored with my work outs, too. I have to force myself to do them every day. I'm glad afterwards that I made myself do it, but I want to enjoy it again like I used to! Im just feeling like Im in a big rut right now. I'm not going to be able to post in any of my blogs much this week. I started a new job (I work from home). And Im required to do 1000 messages this week before the first of the month. They have a quota each month and even though I started on the 24 of the month they are still making me do half of the monthly quota. How is that fair? So this week is being concentrated on getting my quota so that I can get paid next month! After the first of the month I will have a bit more time. I like this job because I can log in and out whenever I want and I can work as much or as little as I want. I'm going to be working as much as possible for that almighty dollar sign though! lol!...Anyway, I hope everyone else is doing better than me!!!!!!

Yummy Snack Idea

I found this really yummy low fat snack for everyone who loves cottage cheese (me! me!). I got the idea from my mother who said sometimes she just puts cottoage cheese on crackers. I thought it was kinda weird at first but then i had a great idea and decided to try it out!

I took a container of low fat cottage cheese and cut up onion, green pepper and a few olives (a few because they are loaded with sodium). I also added a spoonfull of mild taco sauce to it. I then got a bag of baked tortilla chips (tostitos has awesome whole wheat chips). You can either just dip the chips in it or break the chips up and mix them in with the cottage cheese. Either way, it is sooooo delicious! It may not sound appetizing at first but it is very good! It's even better if you let it sit over night so that it sort of soaks up the onion and green pepper flavor, too. I'm sure you can add any other items that you might like or want to try with it.

Try it and let me know what you think!

Crappy Weather Update

I've been slacking with my blog posts lately. Things have kinda been out of sync lately and I'm trying to get everything back in order. Im completely and totally done with the scales! I weighed myself on Friday and it said I had gained 6 lbs since my last weigh in! WTF No way!! I know that i havent gained no freaking 6 lbs! My clothes are loser and ive been kickin butt with my workouts!...It could be that I threw the scales the time before that maybe? LOL..but Im done with weighing. I might weigh just once in a blue moon but from now on Im just going by my clothes and measurements, no more numbers! This weekend was go, go, go. We didnt even have time to relax. I hate it when the weekends are that hectic. We were supposed to go to the zoo on Sunday which I was looking forward to getting all the extra walking in, but it ended up raining all day long and then my oldest son ended up being sick all day. But we still had a lot of other things to get done and ended up keeping us busy all day long. My eating wasnt the greatest but could have been a lot worse! I didnt work out yesterday because i just wasnt feeling up to it..i think its the weather. The last 3 days have been nothing but rain and storms and crappy crap! My husband didn't even work yesterday because the electricity at his job ended up going out..so he was home and I dont work out with him here, lol..but I did work out this morning...and last week I worked out every day, too... Oh and Sunday night I got a new tattoo! YAY! It's a hummingbird with some flowers on my chest. It's not finished yet. Probably this weekend she will go over the coloring again and add the word "grandmother" and my grandmothers name to it. It's on my left side and then on my right I want to get one for my mother and then above both of them I'm going to have it say, "always close to my heart". I love tattoos! My husband started his new tattoo(s) too. He's getting all of the kids' handprints and names on his legs. He got one done completely and part of another one done but we were running out of time so they have to be finished later. How has everyone else's week been?

A late update...

Ugh! I just want to screeeeaaaamm!!!!! Last week we had computer problems, but finally got them taken care of. Now, I'm having problems with my printer. I could have a new job with more hours but in order to get it I have to print out some papers to fill out and fax back..but does my printer want to work today? NOPE. The computer isn't even recognizing it. So I'm going to have to go to the library tonight to print them out fill them out and then take them somewhere else to fax them over! If my stupid printer worked I could do ALL of that from here! argh! Sometimes I just hate electronics!!!

Besides that, I didnt have that great of a week last week. I still worked out every day it was just the evening time when my very bad husband is home tempting me with junk food! damn him! Yesterday I wasnt feeling too good and didnt get much of a workout in. I tried to push myself but I just couldnt muster up the energy to finish it. I did get a little bit in but not much. So I decided today that I need to get back to it again and Im going to try and shock my metablism. I dont know if it will even work or not but screw it, im trying it, lol! For today and tomorrow Im going to just barely eat anything and then on Thursday try to eat back to where I was..kinda like calorie cycling in a way but I'm just going to reallllly stop myself from eating much. It's 2:30 pm and so far today I have had: a half of a banana, one cup of light yogurt, 2 slices of cheese, raw cauliflower and carrots with fat free ranch and a big piece of watermelon...and ive drank 3 bottles of water so far, I think. I'm not completely starving myself, just trying to keep away from anything with a lot of calories. For dinner I think Im having a ham steak and a big salad and maybe a small snack later in the evening, we will see. As long as I can keep my husband locked in the closet, lol!..I did get a good work out in today and my legs are feeling it!

I hope everyone else has had a better week than I have! Now Im just trying to calm myself down before I throw my printer out the window!!!!

First week of August update

Not a whole lot to update this week. I didn't weigh myself last week because I forgot that it was almost that time of the month and I always retain a lot of water..so I'm just going to wait. I hate the scales! Again this weekend was really busy. I didn't do so good this weekend. My appetite was running rampant and I ate a lot of things that I shouldn't have...BUT I also got a lot of extra exercise in. Did a lot of walking and fast walking Friday and Saturday and then yesterday I did a lot of extra cleaning that I dont do very often...so maybe it equals out? The extra work outs and extra food? haha no..I'm not going to try to make it alright that I ate so much. I know I did bad this weekend but I just have to keep going. I really didnt want to work out today but I made myself. It wasn't my full regular work out but I still got some extra exercise in. I just have to make sure that I control myself better this coming weekend..and the weekend after that..etc. I can't let it happen all of the time.

How is everyone else doing? I wish we had more people involved in our challenge. I'm sure we could all use the extra encouragement!

Tweaked a few things...

For those of you who have been to my blog before you might notice that I made some changes to the colors and layout of the blog. I didn't like the other one at all. I'm still not completely happy with this one, but it will do for now!

A great new meal idea!

A few months ago my mother and I came up with this great meal concoction! We don't have a name for it yet just "chicken pasta stuff" lol..but I really love it and so does my family, including my husband who hates eating healthy food!! I don't measure anything out I just guess on everything but here it goes, you can make as much or as little as you want!

Cook multi grain pasta.

While the pasta is cooking, fry boneless skinless chicken breast in a skillet (i use the Pam spray stuff), cut into little bites. I love to throw in some onion and green pepper while the chicken is cooking to help add to the flavor. I also like to add different seasonings like garlic and oregano.

Once the pasta is fully cooked, drain (duh) and add to the skillet with the chicken mix. I then add olive oil while everything cooks together. You can add whatever veggies you like into the mix and just let it all cook together for a few minutes. Sprinkle some low fat parmesan cheese on top and voila! It's sooooo good, even my kids love it!!

Last days of July....

Ok, it's update time again! How has everyone done this week? I did pretty good for the week. Worked out 5 days and really pushed myself during the workouts. Did good with my eating most of the week. Weekend wasn't too bad, could have been better. Our weekends are always sooo busy that's why we end up eating out so much. We are either in the car or just too tired! We did eat out a lot but I was sure to stop eating once I started feeling full. That's another of my problems. I want to finish all of my food even if I'm feeling full and then I end up feeling sick because I ate so much! So how is everyone else in the challenge been? Any weight loss or inches lost updates? I havent weighed myself since the last time when i got so upset..I MIGHT weigh sometime this week..but we'll see. I need to measure myself again one of these days, too.... We'd love to have some new challenge members so feel free to join here!! Just post comments!

I just found out yesterday that my grandmother has cancer. She had a lump in her neck removed a week and a half ago and the doctor confirmed that it was cancer. She said she's trying not to worry about it too much and she's putting on a good face, but I'm sure she is scared to death. She has lived a very long life (she turned 94 in march) and has been in great health...but we know with her age regardless of the cancer or not she wont be around forever. Because of her age there's really not much they can do about the cancer, either. So I'm just hoping she wont be in much pain.

Shaq's Big Challenge

I have been following the Shaq's Weight Loss Challenge TV show since it started. Although I do think it's a great thing to get kids to lose weight I do want to vent about a few things regarding the show!

First, I think that Shaq is obviously doing it for publicity. He makes snarky little comments about "big people" and he doesn't do crap to help the kids! He just goes and does his little publicity things while he has other people working with the kids. He's always making comments about being a "star". His head is way too big to be doing a show like that. I honestly don't think he cares that much about obese children, I think he just wants the publicity because where has he been for the last 5 years? I know I haven't heard anything about him!

I know he's fighting to implement Phys Ed. into every school but I hardly think that is going to fix the problem! I wrote a blog post about Phys Ed class in my other blog Rants In My Pants awhile ago. Gym class for an overweight kid is horrible! When you are the fat kid you are always the last one to finish and always the last one to be picked for teams not to mention usually the fat kid is made fun of in gym class. Shaq doesn't understand how low an overweight person's self esteem is and what kind of affect it can have on someone. My school required gym class up through 10th grade. I hated it! I would make up every excuse in the book to get out of it. I forgot my gym clothes or it was that time of month and I wasn't feeling good, anything I could think of. It wasn't because I was just being lazy it was because I just didn't want to deal with the other kids. I somehow managed to be very UNlucky because when I had gym class NONE of my friends were ever in MY class. I was always stuck with the jocks and "preps" (what we called them back in the day, lol). I was sooo happy when I didn't have to suffer through Gym Class ever again! Guess what though? We had gym class required and there were still fat kids at my school, including me!

I'd like to see the kids on the show lose weight but I think all of the credit should go to the two trainers, not annoying Shaq!

First week done!

So how has everyone done for the first week of the weight loss challenge? I did PRETTY good throughout the week, but the weekend wasn't so good. We were busy, busy, busy and ended up eating out a lot, so I didnt get much healthy food unfortunately. I know it's my own fault for not making better choices even when eating out!

As far as working out goes, I was down to just doing it 4 days a week because my oldest son was going to speech therapy one day a week and on that day I just didnt have time to squeeze in workouts around his therapy and my job... I always take the weekends off because I refuse to work out when my husband is home. I dont know why, I just feel self-conscious about it. I like doing it when I'm alone with the kids. However, my sons speech therapist thinks he is good to go and doesnt really need to come back so now i will have that extra day of workout in every week too, now! woohoo!

I did a little bit of shopping yesterday since most stores are having clearance sales right now. I got 2 really cute shirts. I normally dont try on shirts before i buy them, but I did this time because they didn't look big enough, but they fit and they actually look slimming on me! I got one really nice tank top that I like a lot. It's kinda snug but doesnt look too bad as it is, but I'm going to use it as motivation because I want to wear it to the music fest we are going to August 18 and I want to look even better in it by then!

my goals are still the same this week....portion control and eating healthy foods. I normally do good with my work outs and I drink lots and lots of water every day.

I'd love to hear everyone's updates for the week...and if anyone reading this wants to join in our challenge, go ahead! There's no deadline and we can always use the extra encouragement and motivation!

Will I ever see thin??

I often wonder if I will ever see myself as being thin? Even though I have lost a bit of weight, I don't see it when I look in the mirror. I still see that same flat blob. Even when people asking me if I've lost weight, I don't see it. Even when my clothes fit looser, I still can't see it. I've spent almost my entire life hating my body and hating the reflection that I see in the mirror looking back at me every day. Even if I lose 100 lbs will I still see that same bloated face in the mirror? Will I ever see myself as being thin and beautiful? Just like people who suffer from anorexia still see themself as being fat even though they may weigh a mere 80 lbs. Everyone sees just skin and bones but all she sees when she looks in the mirror is a fat girl and that's why she continues to starve herself.

Am I mentally able to see myself lose weight? I honestly don't know. I'm hoping that I can. I'm hoping that one day I will look in the mirror and see myself as being beautiful but after so many years of being told how fat and ugly and worthless I am, I often wonder if my head is just too screwed up!

End of Summer Weight Loss Challenge!

Ok, so it's really only the middle of summer but I decided to run this challenge through the end of August! I know yesterday was the first day of our challenge but I was gone most of the day and had no time to post in here! Every time I post about the challenge I'm going to include the little challenge graphic above. Since this is the first week, I'm just going to ask our participants (the mere 3 of us, lol) what your goals are for the week? My goal for the week is being very careful about my portion control! That's my biggest problem! I also have a few things to keep me motivated and to look forward to. August 18th we are going to a big music festival where I will be seeing a lot of old friends that I havent seen in years!!..Then September 1 is another concert where I will be seeing some old friends perform... and the week after that is our friends' wedding! So lots of things to look forward to and to keep me motivated and thinking about along the way! If you have any special things coming up that help keep you motivated you can also tell us about them in your comment! We can do this!!!

--Ok, the banner is kind of hard to read...but it does say "end of summer weight loss challenge" LOL..sorry about that.

Sooooo frustrated!!!!

So after I had that little talk with myself I kind of got my butt back in gear. Did really good for the rest of the week eating wise and worked out every day. There were many times that my husband and kids were eating junk food and it looked good, but I didn't touch it! I decided to weigh myself this morning to see where I stood and I'm back UP another f'n 3 pounds. I literally cried when I saw that..and then I threw my scale (yes, I do have a bad temper). I can't believe it. I mean even though I haven't been doing the BEST lately I am doing sooo much better than how i used to be. I mean I used to just eat and eat and eat whatever I wanted and never exercised...and even when I'm eating badly now it's not nearly as bad as it used to be and I'm still working out 4-5 days a week. I've been stuck at this stupid same weight since April! I'm just at a loss now. (but not literally, unfortunately). When I first saw the number, I cried and then was about to say "screw it" and just go back to how I used to be instead of stressing about it, but I can't do that. I know I feel a lot better and I know not to just depend on the number on the scales, but damn it's frustrating when the numbers don't go down...at all!!!! ... Another problem is my depression. I weened myself off of my anti-depressant for 2 reasons. One was because it was too much of a hassle to have to go to the doctor every time I needed a refill..and the place I got it from before made me go talk to a psychiatrist on top of the check ups..and I don't think I need a psychiatrist! I'm depressed, I'm not a lunatic. ..and another reason is because I knew I was feeling better due to my weight loss and wanted to see if I could control my depression. It's not going so good. I think that was part of my problem last week and the beginning of this week. My depression is coming back. I'm emotional all the time, my mood swings are crazy. I hate it. It's so difficult for ME to be able to get to the doctor because of the kids. My husband can't take off of work. We have no one to watch the kids except my mother in law and she works 2nd shift. My 3 1/2 year old has to go to Speech Therapy every week. I need new glasses and can't even get to the doctor for that! I really think I need to get back on my anti-depressant but I'm going to try my hardest to control it on my own and not let it control me. Anyway, once I started eating better this week and really putting my all into my workouts I started to feel better about myself and then this morning brought me right back down! I want sooo badly to just go stuff my face, but I'm not going to. For breakfast I had 2 multi-grain waffles with sugar free syrup and a glass of skim milk and ive had 2 bottles of water so far today. Now I have to get ready to take my son to therapy then have lunch, then work. Then after work my husband and I are going out to see one of his friends perform so we are going to be in a rush as soon as I'm off of work and are planning on just picking up fast food on the way there...I'm going to make sure I made a healthy choice though. Im going to really, really challenge myself this weekend to be good..and I'm staying away from the scales for a long time......

OH YEAH..and btw, take my little quiz over there on the side bar!------------>

A little talk with myself...

Ok, I'm really falling behind and feeling like I could have lost a lot more weight by now if I would stay on track more. I have little "cheat" meals here and there and then they end up lasting all day or sometimes all weekend! I can't give up. I have been at this for way too long now to just give up and gain these 27 lbs back and go back to being my fat lazy self. I dont need to pig out all the time. I dont need to stuff my face in order to feel happy! I dont want that but why does my mind crave it? One part of me wants to lose weight and be happy with my body while the other half is thinking about having Taco Bell for dinner! I have to start getting my arse back into gear. I wanted to be at my goal on my next bday but the way things are going it's going to take a lot longer than that if I dont start kicking my own ass! That's why I wanted to start this challenge to get some extra motivation. Two people have joined so far, we need some more members to help and encourage! Just post in a comment if you want to join our challenge, beginning July 15!

I need to stop using excuses. Just because it's the time of the month and Im craving food doesn't give me a reason to pig out and not work out. Just because I had a bad day doesnt give me an excuse to order pizza and pig out. What's the point? A few minutes of happiness from the food turning into self hatred for eating that, not to mention the gas pains and stomach cramps afterwards. Why do I do that to myself? I have such a love/hate relationship with food. I need it, but it's my worse enemy. I love eating it but it makes me miserable. Why can't I get over this hurdle? Maybe because I've struggled with an eating problem since I was about 5 years old? That's 25 years of eating crap! I'm stronger than this. I can over come this. I have so many reasons to do it and no reason NOT to do it! I have to tell myself this and get myself back into it full speed ahead with no looking back. No more excuses, just eating healthier and working out! I am stronger than the food and I don't need to stuff my face anymore!!

Who is up for a weight loss challenge??

I really need some help and motivation before I lose my go-go on this thing, lol. So I'm going to start a challenge, starting July 15! The challenge is to lose 2 lbs a week and work out atleast 3 times a week (5 is top goal!). Every week we will all post our updates (anyone who wants to join can leave a comment with their stats for the week). I don't really have anything to offer the participants apart from motivating each other, however I am willing to give each one of you who joins a little shout out and intro in this here blog! If anyone is interested in joining the challenge just leave a comment here. I will be doing more things with the challenge as it gets closer so keep an eye out!

End of June update....

Not a whole lot to update lately. I was in a slump earlier in the week. I felt like I was tired of doing this and I wanted to just eat everything in sight! I had horrible cravings and wanted to just binge on everything but I was able to control it for the most part. Had a few bad things but didn't binge or eat until I felt sick or disgusted afterwards. I seem to have gotten through it and have gotten back on track again. Been working out again this week, even been getting some extra exercise in the evenings playing outside with my husband and kids, plus doing weight lifting too on top of my normal workouts. I was planning on weighing myself this morning but I forgot, LOL! I like to weigh myself first thing in the morning before I have anything to eat or drink and I didn't even think about it until after I had already eaten breakfast (which by the way was 2 multi-grain waffles with sugar free syrup, about a quarter of a pop tart and water) so I plan on weighing tomorrow morning. Last weekend I wore the jeans that I bought a few months back that were 2 sizes smaller than normal. I didn't know what to expect with them since I've been kind of off track here and there..but they still fit. I don't think they were much looser, maybe a little, but they definitely weren't any tighter so that makes me happy. I just need to really get my butt motivated again like I was before. I don't want to go back to being the pig that I used to be. Next week will be that damned time of the month again and I'm always starving around that time, but hopefully I can muddle through it without doing too bad. I've been really working on the blogging thing lately. I need to get some more readers! I'm going to have to come up with some good ideas to get more interaction and find out how many of you really pay attention to what I write here and in my other 2 blogs!

A great tool to use!

I have just found a great new website to help you along the weightloss journey! It's called myfitnesspal and it is loaded with all sorts of helpful information.

The website includes a calorie counter that has a database of over 6,000 foods for you to look up and get all of the nutritional facts on and keep track of how many calories you are eating each day!

It also includes a diet journal for you to keep up to date on your diet journey and post about your struggles and accomplishments along the way!

Another great thing I like is the food diary where you can write down and keep track of everything you put into your mouth each day. It's been proven that people who keep a food diary every day are more likely to put less in their mouth!

I really love the discussion forums where you can receive advice and tips from other members and share your stories along the way. I do believe that forums/message boards really do help keep me motivated every day! It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this and that there are others out there struggling the same as I am.

You can also get a personal diet profile made just for you and your body type to help get you headed into the right direction for weight loss. Along with your own personal diet profile they also support diets like Atkins, the Zone, the South Beach diet and many more.

If you are working out every day the website also includes a calories burned calculator so you can figure out approximately how many calories you have burned each day with your workouts.

The website is free to join so there's nothing to lose except the pounds!

This is a sponsored post.

Eat to Live, Don't Live to Eat!

Food is like an addiction to someone like me. If you have never had an eating disorder then you will never understand it and probably laugh at me for calling it an addiction. That's what it is though. Someone who is like me craves food. Even when we don't necessarily truly feel hunger, we still crave it. We use food to comfort us when we are sad. We use food to reward ourselves when something good happens. The cravings sometimes get out of control and we feel like we need just one more "fix". One more candy bar. One more piece of pizza. Why? It's kind of dumb when you think about it. All that happens is you chew it up and swallow it into your stomach and then poop it out! Why should that process give us satisfaction? Why should we eat and eat until we feel sick? What makes us get to this point?

I was watching Celebrity Fit Club lastnight and Dustin Diamond (who I happen to loathe, btw) was saying that he wanted to eat what he wanted and be happy. It made me think, why should food define our happiness? Why should we depend on food to make ourselves feel better? Our life, our family, our jobs and so many countless other things in life should be what makes us happy, not food!

Ironically, the entire time I was watching it I was thinking about the leftover pizza in the fridge from the night before! I went into the kitchen to retreive it and couldn't find it anywhere in the fridge. I knew there was some left and I knew I hadn't seen my husband eat it, so where was it? Then I remembered something that my husband does sometimes. I don't know WHY he does it, but when we have leftovers he will usually just set them in the microwave until "later". LOL Sometimes later never comes because when the food is in the microwave we usually forget about it! So I checked the microwave and there it was. It had been in the microwave for over 24 hours, ofcourse it couldn't be eaten. I was so pissed at my husband! Asking him why he doesn't just put food in the fridge instead of just sticking it in the microwave! I was so mad because I had been thinking about that pizza all night and I wanted it! Even though I knew I shouldn't be eating it, I wanted it! Then I sat there asking myself why was I getting so mad over a couple slices of stupid pizza? Why was I getting THAT upset over it? How stupid is that to get mad over food? It's not like I'm starving and needed it. It was just because I wanted it! I was then able to calm down and realize how dumb I was acting and realizing that I didn't need to eat it and honestly wasn't even very hungry!

Why does it have to get to this point? My great aunt once told me, "I don't eat because I want to, I eat because I have to". I laughed it off and sarcastically said, "me, too!". That's how it should be though. Food is meant to nourish the body and give us energy not to be an addiction! How did it get to this point? What happened in my head that I feel that stuffing my face will make me feel better? That's disgusting! Today, I kind of have a new outlook on food. Maybe i had an epiphany lastnight because of the stupid pizza and yeah, dumbass Dustin Diamond. I need to eat to live, not live to eat!

Update 6/11/07

Ok, it's update time again. The week before and after my vacation I got way off track with my eating and working out. Being sick didn't help any either! So last week I got myself back on track as much as I could. I couldn't believe how out of it my body was just from not working out for two weeks. I put in Turbo Jam and couln't even do half of it without feeling as if I was going to pass out! The heat last week didn't help any either, however I'm slowly working myself back into it. My husband just recently got a weight bench so he has been helping me with weight/strength training. He's a really great coach, too! <3 <3 lol Anyway, I decided to weigh myself again Friday just to see where I stood, expecting to have gained 5 lbs or more, lol. I was shocked when the scales said I lost an additional 2 lbs! I don't know how I lost, but I did and it made me very happy, and also motivated me to keep going again. I'm almost to the 30 pound mark, it's in my reach! It's been more difficult lately for me to be able to work out because of having a lot of appointments and things like that so I haven't been working out 5 days a week, but have been trying to as much as I can. I know it's going to take time to build back up to where I was doing good workouts 5 days a week, but I'll get there eventually.

My biggest obstacle right now is my husband, lol! It's not like he's intentionally trying to sabotage my weight loss, but he eats what he wants (he gets an 8 hour work out at his job every day, lol). He's always grabbing junk food at the store and it's sooo tempting to me! I asked him if he was trying to keep me fat so that I wont leave him for someone else..he didn't like that too well! He just doesn't understand that it is important for me to lose this weight. He thinks I'm beautiful the way I am and he gets angry when I call myself fat because he says I'm not fat! I appreciate that he sees me as being beautiful but I want to lose the weight for myself and my family, too so that I can be around for a very long time! Plus I want to set a good example for my kids so they don't end up in the same mess I'm in now.

Pain Is Temporary!

After you have begun incorporating exercise into your daily routine, here is a great workout video that I started out with myself and love! The Biggest Loser workout video #2! I love this DVD because you can pick and choose which workouts you want to do for the day. They have workouts designed for men and women, both. Toning and cardio (high intensity and low intensitvy )exercises along with a warm up exercise to get your muscles all stretched out and ready! Some of the exercise do include a workout ball, but you really don't need it. I love the video because it shows REAL people working out! It has the contestants from the Biggest Loser 2 before they lost all of the weight, so they are all struggling just like me! The DVD also comes with some other features giving some of the contestants personal success stories along with recipes and other great advice.

OT: Our trip to NYC

Planet Hollywood

Broadway Street

my husband and I on the Staten Island Ferry

Well, I did get lots and LOTS of exercise walking around the city. I was so sore from walking by the time we left I was walking like an old lady!

Our alarm clock was set for 3:00 am saturday morning to give us time to wake up and get to the airport. At 2:45am Northwest airlines called us with a recording saying that our flight had been cancelled and they put us on another flight scheduled to arrive in NY at 5:30pm! SEVEN hours after the original arrival time! I was irate and freaking out, so Roger called the airlines and told them that we were on a tight schedule and needed something else, so they got us on a Continental flight that would change planes in Cleveland and would arrive in NY one minute later than our original plane! Since we were put on new flights at the last minute we had separate seats on both flights. Luckily, the little puddle jumper plane from Toledo to Cleveland only had 4 people on it (all 4 were supposed to be on the one that got cancelled), so we could sit wherever we wanted. However, the big plane from Cleveland to Laguardia was full and the grumpy old man sitting with Roger refused to switch seats with me, so I was at the front of the plane and my husband was in the back! Anyway, we saw some beautiful scenery on the way. The plane flew right over NYC and we could see everything from the plane. All of the skyscrapers and the statue of liberty.

We get off of the plane and not even 2 minutes of walking from the gate we literally run into Mark Henry from WWE! He looked really pissed though so we didn't try to talk to him. We get a shuttle to our hotel and in the middle of all of the airport traffic we see like 7 cops surrounding a car, trying to break into it. Some twat left her little kid (small enough to be in a car seat) in the car and the kid locked the doors!

We got to the hotel and since it was too early to check in we went to Jen and Mike's room. Crissie was already there waiting in their room, too! I haven't seen Crissie since our wedding almost 4 years ago and I haven't seen Jen in like 7 years?? Crissie then told us the story from the night before when she was sitting in the hotel lobby in the middle of the night and heard someone screaming and someone came running in saying, "Get a towel".. Thinking someone was hurt she went to look and there was a naked woman running around the parking lot waving the towel over her head, LOL! Only in NY, right??

Once we got checked into our room we got ready to go. The hotel guy told us that the best way to see the city is to buy the metro pass for $7, you can use the bus and subway all day long as much as you want until 3am. Awesome! So we got on the bus and took that to the subway and then went on to Grand Central Station. The subway is a great place for people watchers like me. I love to watch people and you can find alllll kinds of crazy different people on the subway. On our first subway ride we had a man just take out his guitar in the middle of the train and start singing for everyone. The city was packed! We first found a place to eat and then walked around some taking in all of the sights. Then decided to go to the Empire State Building. On the way there I see Morgan Freeman standing on the sidewalk taking photos with people..but wait, he isn't moving? It was a wax statue of him! I thought it was really him at first! We were at the Wax Museum but decided it was too expensive to go into, lol. Then we saw Dave Atell (not sure of the spelling) from the show Insomniac just sitting having a drink but I think he heard us talking about him because he got up and walked away really fast.

So, we get to the Empire State Building. UGH! It was hot out to begin with and we had to wait in line for almost 2 hours just to get up to the top and it was soo damned crowded up there we could barely even get a chance to see anything! By the time we finally DID get up there we were all so pissed off we just wanted to go back down. But guess what? There was a wait to get OUT of the building, too! Oh yeah and they wanted to charge $25 for the group photo they took of us HAHAHA! No way! I had my own camera and could get a lot of pics developed for $25!

After we finally got out of the Empire State Building we had plans to go get the ferry around the statue of liberty but we ended up at Ground Zero. There was a very somber feeling being at ground zero. There was a fire department right across the street from ground zero who were first on the scene when 9-11 happened. They had all kinds of memorials for their fallen firefighters and some of the firefighters who were there when it happened were out there meeting people.

We walked around some more and then decided it was time to go back to the hotel and relax a little bit before going to Duff's. That was a mess. It ended up taking us an hour and a half to get back to the hotel because of construction and other things along the way. We got back to the hotel, had dinner and then realized that we were all wayyy too tired and sore from all of the walking and couldn't deal with more public transportation to get to Duff's that night, LOL! We all ended up falling asleep soon after we got back to our rooms.

The next morning, Crissie found out that some of her friends had come to NY to look for her at Duffs, so she got ahold of them to meet them in the city later on and go home with them. We had breakfast with Jen and Mike before they left back to PA and then we headed off to the city again. Our first stop was the Staten Island Ferry which was a beautiful ride! Went right by the statue of liberty and you could see all of the city from the ferry. It was very relaxing!

After the Ferry we headed back to the Subway to find Crissie's friends. We saw lots of crazy things in the subway stations! After Crissie left, Roger and I were going to go to Rockefeller Center but ended up just walking around. I saw a bunch of lights and something told me to go that way. The crowds were getting bigger and bigger. People coming up to us offering us Rolex watches and Gucci purses! We ended up in Times Square! MTV building, Hard Rock Cafe, Planet Hollywood, M & M World, Broadway..all kinds of things. It was crowded there. Oh yeah, we also saw P. Diddy in his limo (ack). There were limos everywhere, cops everywhere, swat everywhere, street performers, everything! We found some Irish pubs and went into O'Lunneys so Roger could have an Irish beer. We went into Planet Hollywood and saw all sorts of cool props from different movies. We had dinner at Famiglia Pizza which was authentic sicilian pizza and was very famous for their pizza and I know why! yummmm! We ended up just walking around Broadway taking in all of the sights until we were too tired to do anything else! Then we headed back to our hotel and crashed. Had another horrible experience with Northwest Airlines on the way back (dont fly northwest!) but we made it home safely Monday evening. Ohio just seems so quiet and..boring after being in NYC..nothing is quiet there, lol!

To see all of my NY pics, you can check out my myspace page and go to view pics!

Another short update

I know I have completely neglected my blogs lately due to moving and trying to get everything unpacked and ready to go. I thought I'd give a short little update to start off with today.

The good news is that I finally lost another pound and hit the 25 lbs lost mark. It took damn long enough! I also did some measurements again and lost another 1/2 inch on my waist and a 1/2 inch on my arms. The bad news is, I think I gained 10 lbs back this weekend! LOL..It was such a horrible weekend.We were super busy and the kids and I are all sick. I just ate too damned much this weekend and lots of bad stuff! I'm so disgusted with myself! However, I can't go back and change it so I just have to start all over today watch every bite that I eat and drink lots and lots of water to flush out all of the bad stuff I ate this weekend.

Saturday at 6:40am I will be on a plane heading for New York City!! Yes, Im finally going back again! I'm soo excited! A bunch of my old friends that I havent seen in years are going to come hang out. A couple of them even booked rooms in the same hotel that we are staying in! I'm planning on taking lots and lots of pictures and maybe post some of them here. Ive been to NYC twice now, but my husband has never been there. We will only be there for 2 days but have lots to cram into those 2 days, lol! YAY!!!!!!!!

I just moved!

Yep! I just moved..back in with my husband about an hour away from where I used to live. I just moved this past weekend and have lots and lots of unpacking to do and not much time for blogging. Hopefully I will be more settled in next week and can get back in the swing of things again!

I've been featured!

Wow, I'm feeling special now, lol! After only a couple months blogging here, I was asked to be interviewed for the weight loss tips website! Check out the information about me at wltips.com. Read through some of the other interviews on there for a lot of advice and motivation!

Ready to get physical?

If you are like me and have spent most of your life sitting on your butt then when you decide that it's time to start an exercise regime you have to remember to start slow. You don't want to over exert yourself and end up causing more damage than good. Start with something simple.

If you decide that you want to go the professional route and workout at a gym you can talk to the professional trainers there and they can start you out with something slow and up to your speed.

If you have decide to workout from home, start out with simple things such as going for short walks or looking up a few exercises that you can do from home. Just go to your brower and type in, "Simple exercises" and see what sites come up and which ones sound the most interesting for you. The more you do these exercises, the better you will become at them and the more physical exertion your body will be able to take.

When you first start your workouts the exercises might seem difficult to do but the more you do them the easier they will become. You want to start off really slow, maybe only 10 minutes a day and then add another 5 minutes or more reps every week.

You can look up exercises on sparkpeople.com. They have a lot of wonderful information for those of you just starting out. Believe me, when I first started working out, I thought I was going to pass out after only a few minutes, but now however just last week I decided to try the "Turbo Jam" DVD workout and on my first try I was able to do the entire cardio workout! Boy, was I proud of myself! Adding exercise into your daily routine will show you such an amazing change in your body in a short period of time. You will be able to do things that you could never do before and you know that you are making your body stronger and healthier!

The many benefits of water!

Something as natural and plentiful as water is often taken for granted. So many people these days are happy drinking pop (soda) instead of water. Some people use the excuse that it's boring tasting, while others just prefer the sugary taste of pop! Most people don't realize how much our bodies depend on water! Our bodies crave it and need it and here is why.

-When our body runs short on water we go into dehydration mode. Dehydration causes us to feel fatigued and our brain to become less active.

-Water purifies your body by removing toxins and waste from your body and basically can rid your body of all of the nasty stuff swimming around inside of us that other beverages can't! It also helps to nourish your skin making your skin feel softer and have a sort of glow!

-As far as weight loss goes, water can play a huge factor in that! For one thing, drinking lots of water fills up your tummy and makes you feel fuller so that you wont feel hungry and wont eat as much as you normally would on an empty stomach.

-Your kidneys don't function correctly if they are not fully hydrated. When your kidneys aren't working up to par then some of the work goes to your liver which can slow down your metabolism. It just makes sense that the more water you have in your body, the better your liver can work to help metabolize your body fat.

-When your body is running low on water it goes into survival mode and then starts to hold onto the water in your body making you retain water which isn't healthy. That's why you need plenty of water to help flush out your system every day.

-Drinking lots of water also helps to hydrate your muscles making them stronger and in better working order.

Studies have shown that the best calculation for water intake should be one ounce of water for every 2 pounds of body weight you have. That can equal out to a lot but if you spread it out across the day then it should be easy to reach that goal!

Ofcourse if you work out every day then your body loses water through the sweating process and you need to refuel your body by adding more water to it. You should always drink water before, during and after your work out and it will help keep your energy level high.

There are other ways to get all of your water in daily without only having to carry a water bottle around with you all day long. There is a lot of water in fruit so be sure to eat fruit every day to help with your water intake. Not only that, but ofcourse fruit is also very healthy for you!

There are so many benefits of drinking water daily but yet so many people still continue to take it for granted and believe that they are fine without it. I've heard a lot of people say that they don't like to drink a lot of water because it makes them have to urinate too often. Well, in a way, that's a good thing because that means the toxins are getting flushed out of your body like they should be. Eventually your body will adjust to the extra water and your bathroom habits will slow down. The benefits are worth it and having to run to the bathroom every hour just gives you more exercise in your daily routine, right?

Update for week of April 9, 2007...Happy B-day to me!

Ok, I know, I've been slacking with my blogs today. I just never have enough hours in my day to get everything done! Just giving a little update tonight and then Im going to start working on my next post about the benefits of water!!

The last few weeks have been kind of depressing because I some how gained a pound each week, but this last week made up for. I lost 3 lbs, so I lost the two lbs I some how gained and lost another one with them..thankfully! I probably gained them all back though after this past easter weekend! Damn that rabbit and his candy! I only lost 3 lbs throughout the entire month of March so I really need to figure out what's going on and where I'm messing up again! It's the weekends that really get me. They are always the hardest for me to get through!

I'm trying a new workout routine this week and so far my body is feeling it!!

Oh yeah and yesterday was my birthday. I'm officially OLD. I left my twenties and leaped into my thirties! I am now officially 30 years old. I've been so depressed about it and I'm mad that I waited this long to do something about my weight! I wish I could re-live my twenties being 100 lbs lighter and see how differently my life would have been? But, I cant go back in time, just have to concentrate on the future...

Updating Again

My updates haven't been too good lately. This week I apparently gained another pound! Where did it come from? The only thing I can think of is because it was T.O.M. (time of the month) and I probably retained some water. Atleast, that's what I'm hoping for. I ate pretty decently last week and still worked out. I'm trying to mix some things up this week just to see where it gets me. Maybe do some different exercise routines this week. I'm still not trying to stress out too much about it. Ofcourse, it is a bit discouraging to see the number on the scale going the wrong way, but my clothes are fitting better. I went out Saturday night to a good friends birthday bash. My birthday is a week from today, so I was celebrating my bday a little bit early this weekend. I wore a top that I bought about a year ago but only wore it once because it fit really snug and I didn't feel comfortable in it. I felt like it was showing my fat rolls too much and it was uncomfortable. I wore it to the show and it was actually comfortable now! I was sooo happy. I've been waiting to be able to wear that top comfortably!

Today I was kind of bad for lunch. Had some leftover mexican and too much of it and my body is revolting against me for it! That just means I have to be super good for the rest of the week!

I've also noticed a big difference in my knee pain. I've always had problems with my knees, starting from when I was a toddler and having braces on my legs. The doctor told my mom way back then that I would have problems with my knees as I got older and I sure did! My knees creek and crack with every movement and going down steps has been painful for me for a few years now. However, the past week or so I have noticed that going down steps is proving to be less painful than it used to be, so that's another plus for me!

More tips coming soon!

Who wants to trade links?

If you have a blog that is related to weight loss issues or health in general and are up for trading links then just leave me a comment here and I will add you under my favorite blog friends list!

Have a sweet tooth?

There are a few small things you can do to fight off the sweet tooth cravings without having to worry about packing on the extra calories. Here are a few tricks that I, myself try:

*Sugar Free Pudding with Fat Free whipped topping. There are all kinds of different flavors. If you want to change things around a little, find some sugar free angel food cake, break it up and stir it in with the pudding. Yummy!

*Sugar Free Jello with F.F. whipped topping. You can also add in some fruit to the jello to make it even healthier!

*Any kind of fruit with F.F. whipped topping.

*100 calorie Hershey Candy Bars or mini's (the mini's are usually less than 100 calories)

*100 calorie cookie packs (they have different varities)

*Frozen Yogurt, instead of ice cream

*Cake! Yes, I just found an awesome new way to make cake! First, pick a good cake flavor and add 12 ozs of diet pop (flavor of your choice, I chose orange) and put it with the cake mix and mix together and bake! Then top with F.F. whipped topping! Very yummy and a lot healthier than regular cake!

There are many ways to get around your sweet cravings, you just have to be creative with it and watch your portions!

Update for the week of March 5

Ok, so I haven't been so great about updating my own weight loss progress. I just need more hours in the day! If I had the time, I would write in all of my blogs every single day!

Well, last week wasn't so great as I didn't lose anything, but I also didn't gain anything. I was a bit disappointed but I've come to realize not to depend on the scales for everything! There are other ways to see your progress such as your clothes getting bigger and people complimenting you on your weight loss!

This past weekend I decided to go to Walmart and just try on some jeans because I really wasn't sure what size I would fit into now since I have lost weight. I took 2 pant sizes to the fitting room. One was a size smaller than my normal size and the other one was two sizes smaller. I thought the ones that were 2 sizes smaller were just a waist of time (ok, pun intended, lol), but I tried them on first and they FIT! I was so excited!

I also have a tank top that I bought last summer but when I brought it home I decided I wouldn't wear it out in public because it was too tight and showed all of my disgusting fat rolls. Well, now this tank top fits nicely and actually makes me look like I have a shape (a shape besides just ROUND)! So, I'm hoping by the time the warmer weather gets here I will be comfortable enough to wear it out.

These small things just keep motivating me to keep pushing. Even though the scales doesn't always show a loss, that doesn't mean that you aren't losing inches and that is what counts!

A few easy meal ideas

Eating healthy can be a little confusing at first if you have been used to eating greasy and fried foods for most of your life. I'm going to give you a few ideas that I personally use. Most of them are easy to make and are low in calories and fat! Remember to measure out your portions so that you know exactly how much you are getting. Once you measure your food out a few times you will begin to be able to eye ball it without having to measure it exactly forever!

Most people think that salads are boring and you are right, they can get boring if you eat them every day or if you don't add a little bit of variation to them here and there! I love to make a nice big salad with lots of cut up veggies and cheese and then add some grilled boneless skinless chicken breasts with fat free ranch dressing on top! It ends up being very filling and you get your meat and veggies in there, too!

I also love taco salad, done in a simple way. It's basically lettuce, sliced veggies of your choosing, salsa (which is very healthy), a few crunched up baked tortilla shells, a little bit of taco meat, shredded cheese and you can even top it all off with some fat free sour cream! Just like the above salad, it ends up being very filling and you are getting your healthy veggies in there! As long as you don't go overboard on the taco meat and cheese it will be low in calories, also!

Eating healthier doesn't mean that you have to cut out all of the good tasting foods completely. You can still have spaghetti. You can still have macaroni and cheese, you can still even have french fries (bake them in the oven, don't deepfry). The main thing to be careful of is your portions. Make sure you measure them out so you know exactly how many calories you are consuming and make sure to fill your plate with vegetables and fruits to keep you full!

Next, I will be talking about a few good dessert choices that I love!

Easy, yummy snack ideas!

Once you are mentally ready for your new lifestyle change, then you need to sit down and write out a plan.

Plan out your meals for every day. Make sure that you are making healthy choices. Lots of fruits and vegetables, high protein, low fat and low carb is the route I'm taking. Do your research online for great recipes to help you with some ideas.

It's said that eating 3 meals a day and 2 in between light "snacks" is the best way to keep your metablism going. It can be sometimes hard to come up with healthy low fat snacks but here are a few ideas that I use:

Granola bars/Yogurt bars (great for fiber)
low fat Yogurt
Crisp veggies dipped in fat free ranch dressing
100 calorie popcorn packs (you can get the flavor seasonings to sprinkle on it for taste. Popcorn is healthy and keeps you feeling full!)
Fruit
Small serving size bags of baked chips (they now have baked Doritos, Cheetos and many others!)
A "mini" candy bar (like the ones given out for trick or treat..low in calories and a great way to get through the chocolate cravings without going overboard)
Nachos - using baked tortilla chips, a little bit of cheese and veggies

I have always loved pizza and it is definitely one of my biggest weaknesses. To get me through I have found a couple of things that help. One I call a pizza "burrito". Basically, it's a multi-grain tortilla shell with light pizza sauce, light cheese and a few veggie toppings (like onions, green peppers, tomatos) microwaved for a few minutes to melt and you have a great yummy snack!

I also like to make pita pizzas which is almost the same thing, but using wheat pita bread with sauce, cheese and toppings put in the oven for a few minutes and can also be filling but healthier than regular pizza.

Remember, losing weight doesn't mean you have to live on salads and celery for the rest of your life! The way I look at it is that thin people eat fast food, they eat pizza and they eat chocolate! They just don't binge on it every day like a lot of people do! The key is to watch your portions and don't over do it.

My next post will give you some dinner and dessert ideas!

My first update

Since Fridays are my weigh-in day, I decided that it will also be my update day here. Every Friday I will post my weight loss updates and my progress for the week.

I've been on a plateau for about 3 weeks now and it has really been frustrating me. I didn't expect to hit one so soon into the weight loss process. I think I realized what part of the problem was: calories. I wasn't eating enough calories! Yes, it is possible! See, you have a maintenance level of calories which is basically how many calories you need to take in daily to keep you at the weight you are currently at. In order to lose weight you need to eat 500-1,000 calories less than your maintenance weight. After going to the calorie counter and putting in my stats I was eating way under what I should have which most likely caused my metabolism to slow way down. When your metablism slows down, your weight loss will slow down as well.

So, this week I started keeping track of calories again and realized that at the end of the day I was way below what I should have been for weight loss and almost to the point of starving my body. I have been so used to eating this way that when I had to eat extra calories I felt like I was cheating or messing up, but it has paid off! I finally lost 3 lbs this morning! I had actually gained 1 lb last week and that was really discouraging, so right now I'm at 19 lbs weight loss. Only one more pound to go until I hit the 20 lbs mark! I still have a long way to go but even though this has been such a short period of time since I started this life style, I feel like it has become part of my life and I don't even think about going back to my old way of eating and not working out 5 days a week. I love how I feel physically and I love knowing that I am finally shedding some of this fat that has been holding me down for most of my life!

Are you prepared to lose weight?

Everyone should realize that there is no quick fix when it comes to losing weight. There is no magic pill that is going to mysteriously make pounds fall off of you while you sit on your butt eating chips and candy bars all day long. Diet pills are one of the biggest selling products around today. Everyone wants an easy quick fix. It would be nice, wouldn't it? The thing about diet pills is that they may help you to shed a few pounds here and there but as soon as you stop taking them the weight is going to come right back on. If you want to lose weight the healthy way then you need to do your research and you need to lose the term "diet". A diet is when someone wants to shed a few pounds for a big event or to impress someone, but in most circumstances as soon as they lose the weight they then think that they can go off of the "diet" and go back to eating normally and the pounds come piling on again! Think of this as a lifestyle change. It is your lifestyle that got you in this shape and that is exactly what you need to change to get yourself out of this mess!

My biggest word of advice to anyone who wants to lose a sizeable amount of weight: plan ahead! Pick a date on the calendar as your day to start your new lifestyle. I'm sure everyone reading this has tried "dieting" a million times. For the first few weeks things go really great and then you get bored of it. You slowly start eating the things that you miss and eventually you give up all together and go back to eating the same way that got you here! It's all in your mind! You need to prepare yourself mentally for this lifestyle change because it's not going to be easy! I believe full heartedly in self-affirmations. These may sound silly at first but they truly do work! Pick a time during the day to do self-affirmations. Do it anytime: early morning, bed time, mid-day, whenever you feel like it. Write these down! Tell yourself these things: I am a good person. I am a beautiful person. I believe in myself. I deserve to lose this weight. I can lose this weight. I will lose this weight. I can control my food and not let my food control me! Once you start doing these you will begin to believe them and believe in yourself!

Your next task is to start doing some research! Find some weight loss forums and websites that can give you valuable information on how to lose weight effectively and healthily!

The great things about forums is that you can chat with people who are in or have been in the same boat as you. You can gain all sorts of advice and tips and most importantly: moral support! Having someone to cheer you on is great motivation to keep going! One of my favorite forums is http://weight-loss.fitness.com/. This forum is filled with supportive people who are trying to lose the weight along with you.

Another website I love is sparkpeople.com. You can create your own profile page, kind of like a myspace page and network with people from all over who are trying to lose weight just like you! Sparkpeople keeps track of your weight loss and creates a plan especially for you to help you lose the weight. They have all sorts of helpful articles and links and there are hundreds of groups that you can join with people who have the same interests as you! Check out my sparkpage.

One idea I came up with before I started on my lifestyle change is to make a list of motivations. No matter how small or big they might be. Everything I want to do, clothes I want to wear, people I want to impress, everything! Then whenever I start to feel discouraged or feel like I'm ready to throw in the towel I pull this list out and read over it to remind myself WHY I am doing this!

Your mind controls your body, including your mouth and what you put into it!

Who am I?

Well, you can find most of my personal information in my profile, but you may be asking yourself what exactly is this blog about? Well, this blog is going to be about my new weight loss journey.

You see, I have been overweight for most of my life. I was always the fat kid in school. I've always been the fat friend. I'm about to turn 30 in April and I don't want to be this fat person anymore. The year 2006 was a very hard year for me, with my husband and I separating and I've done a lot of soul searching over the past few months. I finally decided that 2007 was going to be a better year for me and while I've been trying to work on my self esteem and learning to love myself, I feel that I can't truly love myself still being this fat girl that I am. So 2007 is my year! Since January 1, I have lost 17 lbs and hope to reach my goal by next year at this time. I'm going to use this blog as a sort of motivation for me. I've done a lot of research on weight loss and will post some of the things that I learn along the way. I will post links to some very helpful websites. I'll also be talking about what different strategies I am using along the way and may even post some pictures. Maybe my story can help inspire someone else in the same situation!

This is a short first post, but my next post will be about preparing yourself mentally to lose weight and change your life for the better. It's not easy. Believe me, it's not easy! I'm definitely no expert on weight loss but I want to share my knowledge along the way!

I want to share the ups and downs of this weight loss journey. I don't call it a diet because I feel that a diet is just a temporary fix. This is a life change that I am making and is something that will stick with me for the rest of my life!

Finding the new me is what I'm naming this blog because that is truly what I am doing. Since I have always been fat I've never seen the real me. I've never seen my true facial features and my true beauty because it has always been hidden under this fat. I want to see who I really am underneath all of these layers of yuck!