It's mid October, already!

Where have I been? Well, my internet was out for over a week. To be honest, I really didn't miss it that much, lol. I spent last week getting things done that I never have time to do anymore. It was back on as of Saturday but then yesterday it was out again for 5 hours! Ugh, Time Warner Cable!!!! Now I have to try and catch up on everything including work. I lost a lot of money not being able to work for an entire week, but I needed the little break. I was getting too burned out.

I am still sick. I have been sick for over a month now. My oldest son got it and his lasted for a week and a half when i decided it was time for both of us to go to the doctor. We both have Bronchitis and are on anti-biotics. Needless to say, I haven't been working out much. I started again today just walking and I was still breathing hard, mostly from the Bronchitis and Im sure some of it was from not working out for awhile. I'm ready to start doing cardio again but I know I can't do it until the Bronchitis is gone. My eating has been....hmm.... ok, I guess. I have been trying to eat better things. I dont know. I'm sitting here thinking that it's the middle of October and I had planned on being soo much lighter by now. ..I met a new friend. Actually, she is a friend of my husbands, they grew up together and found each other on myspace. So far, I like her a lot and she seems like someone I could really get along with. She told me lastnight that she has lost 80 lbs since May! MAY! I am happy for her but a little bit jealous, too! I asked her how she did it and she said just watching what she has been eating and she rides her bike every day (i forget how many miles a day). She said for awhile she was losing like 13 lbs a week, but now only (only! lol) 3-4 lbs a week. Im so jealous!

I feel like I'm grasping at straws here. Part of me wants to continue and lose the weight but I feel like I have lost a lot of my ambition. When I first started, you could put a piece of pizza in front of me and I wouldn't eat it. Now, I wouldn't be able to resist it anymore. My husband has been such a bad influence on me, too. My new friend says that when her husband brings junk food home she throws it straight in the trash..I wish I had the will power to do that, lol!..I just don't have the ambition for it anymore. I dont know what happened or where it went. Ive been reading the weight loss message boards trying to get some inspiration but nothing is helping much. I know I have to get myself back to it, but part of me feels like I just dont want to anymore. BUT, I'm so tired of being fat!...My self esteem has been down again. My husband hasn't been showing me much affection or any kind of interest lately which makes me feel like a big fat pile of poop.

This week, I'm going to really try and push myself back into the game. I have to, for my health and my family!

My husband is having surgery a week from today (the 23rd). Found out the cyst on his kidney is nothing to worry about... He has over 80 tumors in his gall bladder (not stones...TUMORS), which is causing his gall bladder to be double in size, which is pushing around the other organs getting them inflamed and all screwed up. He was in a bad car accident as a teenager and has a lot of scar tissue on his stomach so they can't go through the belly button like they would normally do. They are going to have to do an incision in his side and break a rib to get to his gall bladder. The doctors said he will feel so much better after he is healed. He wont be sick all of the time anymore. The only thing is he will have to stay away from pop (soda) and greasy and spicy foods..which in a way, could be a good thing for me, too. If he does eat greasy foods he will be really sick afterwards. I know it's going to be hard for him, it will be hard for both of us, but it will be better for our entire family! We really dont eat much greasy meals at home anymore, mostly fast food on the weekends. The doctor said that for the type of work he does (concrete) he should be a lot thinner than what he is and it's probably because his food hasnt digested properly...so after his surgery he is expected to lose a lot of weight, too. (is it right that I feel jealous that he will lose weight without even trying??). Im sure everything will turn out fine though and Im happy that he is going to feel so much better after everything is over!