Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Some help for those with Bipolar..

I received this in an email and just thought I would pass it on! I hope it can be of benefit to some of you!

Our online Bipolar Course http://twotreesmedia.com/course_about.html
"Living well with bipolar disorder" is nearly ready. I am planning it very carefully so that what you learn will be with you for the
rest of your journey with bipolar. You can live the life you intend!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

It is about ME isn't it??

Been awhile since I've done a personal update... So here I am again!

Things have been going good just extremely busy, busier than before! Is that possible?? I'm finishing up my second month of school and this upcoming week will be the last week for Intro. to Microcomputers. This class has been pretty boring because it's basic computer skills that I all ready know. I have a 98% in the class so I think I'm doing pretty well. Next month is Composition 1 and I've been told by a friend who has the class this month that there is A LOT of homework in the Comp. class so there goes even more of my time! Between school, working, taking the kids back and forth to school and housework it seems I never have time to myself except to sleep!! I guess it's just a part of life though and it will get better eventually. I'm really enjoying school. I love learning new things and it's good for me to be able to get out of the house, leave the hubby in charge and have some time talking to other adults. I've made a few friends so far and hope to make more with every class. The school I'm going to does things a little differently. You have one class a month, 12 hours a week of class time. I think it's nice that way because I am able to concentrate on just the one subject instead of trying to concentrate on 2 or 3 different subjects!

Fall is here and the scenery is beautiful but it has been cold here and I am just not ready for winter! I'm sure if you have read this blog or my Rants In My Pants blog you all ready know that I despise winter! I hate the cold, the snow, the ice, having to bundle up 3 kids and myself! Ugh!! I am looking forward to xmas this year, though. We have a beautiful house to decorate and each year gets better and better as the kids get older and comprehend xmas and Santa Clause!

Mentally I'm doing pretty good. Still on my meds and most of the time they work pretty well. I do have a day here and there, very rare, where I just want to cry at the drop of a hat! I hate those days!!! But thankfully they are far and few between! I have noticed that if I forget to take my pills for a few days I will get really ill feeling. I will just feel exhausted with no energy, I will be very angry and even get dizzy! It sucks, so I try to remember to take them every day, it's usually on the weekends when I forget because I'm here and there and everywhere out of my routine on the weekend! It just worries me that if/when I decide to go off of the pills I'm going to have a very hard time with withdrawals as I've read is very common if you want to go off of Effexor. I know I can't stay on them for the next 40 yrs or however long I have left, but yikes, the withdrawals sound worse than heroin withdrawals (or so I've heard).

I really hate that my blog postings have been soo sparatic. I really enjoy blogging but the only real time I have to myself is at night and I'm normally too exhausted to think enough to write anything or I just want to spend some time with my hubby!.. Speaking of him, things have been going very well in our marriage. We just love spending time together with and without the kids. Even when I'm at school he will text me to tell me how much he misses me. I'm glad the old husband is back and I hope he stays this time!! Right now, I'm content for the most part!

Friday, October 2, 2009

A better explanation of Depression!

Take a look at the video for a better explanation of what Depression is and how it feels to suffer from depression

Monday, September 14, 2009

Could You Be Bi-Polar?

By Dee

What is bipolar disorder? What are some symptoms?
Bipolar disorder is a psychological disorder in which a person experiences an abnormally elevated mood and behaviors for a period of time before unexpectedly shifting into a depressive state. Chemical imbalances in the brain are considered a cause of bipolar disorder, often with some sort of genetic inheritance. Anecdotal reports suggest that knowing someone with bipolar disorder is similar to riding a roller coaster: the person's mood changes irregularly and without much warning, and that in one moment the person seems charged, happy, and excited, and the next, unexplicably down. In more severe cases of bipolar, individuals might suffer from psychotic episodes -- breaks with reality, disorganized thoughts, delusions, and hallucinations.

Signs of the depressive component mimic other forms of clinical depression: persisting sadness and anxiety, hopelessness, guilt, fatigue, interruptions in sleep patterns, loss of appetite, a resistance to be around other people, and so forth. I'll talk about mania more in the next question, but basically it means that a person is really keyed up, hyperexcited, and elevated. Sometimes, clients present "mixed" episodes in which they experience signs of depression and manic behavior simultaneously.

As with any psychological disorders, the symptoms are severe enough to impair work, school, relationships, and practicing daily routines and self-care. For a person to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder, there needs to be enough evidence to suggest that the individual has experienced both manic and depressive symptoms over a period of time.

One of the symptoms of bipolar disorder is mania. Can you explain what exactly mania means?
"Mania" comes from a Greek word meaning "to enrage" or "to be furious." Imagine what your life would be like if you were hopped up on coffee all the time. You feel super-energized and jittery, are unable to concentrate, experience racing thoughts and actions. Maybe these sensations feel good to you; maybe you feel like Leonardo DiCaprio's Jack in Titanic -- "I'm King of the world!" This is what life is like in a manic episode: always on the edge, always on the go, rushing everywhere and feeling like you do it nonstop (unlike coffee would eventually cause you to crash).

Not all episodes of mania look the same. Sometimes, it appears as if the individual is in a particularly good mood. Other times, it looks very much like the theatrical behavior I told you about a moment ago. Clinicians differentiate between two types of mania: the balls-out, no-holds-barred manic behavior which features elevated mood and some kind of risky, compulsive behavior like overspending money, hypersexuality, or increased risk-taking; and the lower-level, feel good and super happy behavior (without the risky business) called hypomania.

Manic symptoms never appear by themselves. It wouldn't make sense, and it certainly wouldn't gel with reality. Everyone, psychologically healthy or otherwise, can't run on feeling good forever and ever. Emotional states fluctuate. However, persons with bipolar disorder can experience wild and unpredictable mood swings (this is called "cycling") and cannot control their feelings in either state.

I've read that there is sometimes a bit of confusion between being bipolar and manic depressive? Is there a difference? If so, what are they?
Bipolar disorder and manic depression refer to the same psychological disorder. Bipolar disorder is used today because people with the disorder transition from manic to depressive states and back -- thus, two "poles" of dysfunction. This is distinct from clinical depression, a "unipolar" disorder.

How does a doctor diagnose bipolar disorder? Can a medical doctor diagnose it or only a psychologist?
Medical doctors and psychologists can both detect bipolar disorder so long as they both have appropriate clinical, psychological training.

Bipolar disorder is very difficult to diagnose properly. At minimum, the professional needs enough evidence to conclude that the client has been cycling back and forth between manic and depressive states with each state lasting most of the time, daily, for at least one week. The ideal diagnosis would involve the professional meeting with members of the whole family and getting each person's point of view on the client's behavior over a period of time in addition to any client self-reporting. Diagnostics may be extended. Even in the cases of standard clinical depression, professionals need to ask about manic episodes to be sure of a correct diagnosis. If bipolar is treated with the same medicines as clinical depression, bipolar symptoms can actually worsen. Diagnosis may take as long as several months, even years, to complete.

Bipolar is classified as Bipolar I or Bipolar II, depending on the level of manic symptoms. As stated earlier, manic symptoms alert clinicians to the presence of bipolar disorder even without depressive symptoms attached. Think of it like this. The downer will come eventually; our bodies can't stay keyed up indefinitely. Bipolar I is more intense than II, since type II tracks hypomanic signs. There's another type of bipolar called Cyclothymia in which clients alternate between hypomanic behavior and depressive behavior that does not meet the full list of symptoms for major depression. There is also a diagnosis called Bipolar NOS (Not Otherwise Specified) to describe bipolar-like behavior that does not meet the full list of criteria.

Clinicians also try to rule out other competing disorders like schizophrenia, borderline personality, schizoaffective disorders, and substance intoxication.

What are some treatment options for bipolar disorder?
Bipolar disorder requires medication for treatment, usually in the form of mood stabilizing medications and anti-psychotic medications to calm manic episodes. Antidepressants are not recommended because they trigger and exacerbate manic behaviors and may cause suicidal thoughts and ideation, while mood stabilizers tend to relieve both manic and depressive symptoms equally well. Clients should be urged to resume medical treatment even in the absence of symptoms in order to prevent relapse. Side effects include mood blunting (that is, difficulties in feeling or interpreting moods). Psychotherapy and counseling are effective in helping clients recognize mood changes and shifts and managing relationships. It is also recommended for friends and family to seek counseling of their own to learn more about the disorder and how to address changes in behavior, whether or not the client is treating bipolar with medication.

**Again if you have any questions about Bi-Polar, Depression or any other mental disorder feel free to ask in a comment and I will have Dee answer them for you!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Cycling the fat away!!

Well, let's see... I'm on week number 2 of my weight loss journey. Again, I am not calling it a diet as I still feel that it has to be a life long change, not just a quick fix! I hear so many people talk about how they are losing weight by skipping meals or just eating ONLY veggies and fruits. That may get you the quick fix that you are looking for but what do you think will happen when you lose the weight and start eating normally?? It's all going to come back! I think it is all about portion control and getting more fruits and veggies in your diet (and exercise ofcourse!). Just because you want to lose weight does not mean that you can never, ever eat pizza or ice cream again. Do you think thin people don't eat it?? They do, just in moderation! I'm doing pretty good with my eating.. making sure to get lots of veggies and fruits and eating less portions of the starchy carby foods.

My husband and I got ourselves some bikes last week.. We have both wanted some for awhile but just haven't had the money. We finally did it and I LOVE it! I was afraid to get on it at first as it has been probably about 15 years since I've ridden a bike. I was afraid I would tip right over (or pop the tires)! I did fine though, didn't fall once.. and once I got into the groove of it, I just rode and rode and rode! I love it! We go on bike rides with the kids all the time. I want to ride it every day.. I really enjoy it and it kinda makes me feel young again.. plus it is GREAT exercise! My legs are feeling it but it feels oh so good! I've also been doing some upper body exercises, as my legs are getting most of the work out with the bike! It's also a great thing to do with the family and the kids love it that we ride bikes with them, now!

I also wanted to mention a side effect of the Effexor. When it is hot outside, I sweat.. and I sweat A LOT! I've never sweated a lot, even being overweight, however this summer has been really bad for me and it's not normal for me. I mean it's to where the sweat is literally rolling off of me! My hair is wet, even my clothes get wet. It's GROSS! Excessive sweating is listed as a side effect of it. I was worried it would happen even it was cooler but thankfully it has not happened this week now that the temperature has been cooler. I was really thinking about going off of the meds just because it was disgusting and embarassing! I think I will stay on it though for awhile, at least. The excess sweating may do me some good while working out, too!

Anyway, I haven't weighed myself. I kinda decided that I'm going to stay away from the scales for awhile. If I don't lose a significant amount it will just discourage me, so I'm going to rely mainly on how my clothes are fitting. I may weigh myself just once in a blue moon when I get really curious. I know what I weighed when I went to the doctor a few weeks ago so I'm going to just stick with that for now and wait awhile to weigh again.

Hope everyone else is doing well??

Friday, August 21, 2009

Looking for a good Antioxodent??

There are all sorts of antioxodent products on the market today. You see them everywhere! Everyone wants to cleanse their body and get all of the bad toxic substances out of there that we have ingested over the years. How can you know which one to use or which one REALLY works??

I've just heard about Reservatrol which is an antioxodent that comes from the skin of grapes.It contains natural antioxodents that help to protect membranes of your cells. It also helps to reduce blood pressue, lower cholesterol and help stop hardening of the arteries. It all sounds great, right? Ofcourse if you want to reap any sort of benefit from it you would normally have to drink a LOT of wine in a day!

There is an easier way to take advantage of these antioxodents found in wine. I've just found a website where u can purchase Reservetrol Supplements! They have many different supplements to choose from to meet your personal needs and they even have RezMelts that dissolve in your mouth! If you are looking for ways to help your body become healthier then I think Reservetrol Supplements may be your answer!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Some new self motivation for losing weight

I've mentioned a few times about wanting to get back into losing weight. I did soooo good when I first started this blog then when my husband and I began having problems again I got out of the routine and gained most of it back! I went to a new doctor the other day and according to THEIR scale I gained it all back PLUS some! In fact, their scale said I've gained 20 lbs just since being at my old doctor a few months ago. My husband had been to this doc a few times and said he thought the scales were off because it was way over what other scales said.. I tend not to believe that I've gained 20 lbs in the last 2-3 months just because my clothing is not any tighter! I've yet to weigh myself at home though.. waiting to do that until tomorrow morning!

My husband and I both got a big eye opener the other day which gave BOTH of us some motivation to get our butts back into gear! A few days ago we spent the day at Lake Erie. First we went to see a lighthouse. Our kids wanted to go up to the top of it. We did, not thinking of HOW we would get up there, lol. Seventy seven steps is what it takes to get up there. 77! At first I thought, ehh, 77 isn't TOO bad. Heh. I got about half way up before I started breathing heavily and my legs felt like they were going to give out underneath of me. I knew I could have stopped to rest but I didn't want to because there were old people in front of us doing better than I was! I'm talking about people in their sixties being in better shape than me! and I'm 3??? I was too embarassed to stop and rest however I realized that I was fine doing it, i didnt pass out or fall over, I still did it! Normally I would have given up but my pride pushed me harder than I would have pushed myself! I did make it though! After the trip to the lighthouse we took the kids to Cedar Point. Cedar Point is a huge amusement park, I think it's one of the biggest in the country, right on Lake Erie. It's only an hour away from us and my husband and I grew up going there just about every summer as a kid. I haven't been there in 14 years though, mostly because it's sooo freakin expensive to go! Plus, I was afraid that I couldn't fit on some of the rides and didn't want to be embarassed in front of people there OR my friends.

We had a lot fun at Cedar Point. It was all for the kids this time though and we spent most of it waiting on them to go on the kiddie rides! Our oldest son was big enough to go on the kiddie coaster so my husband decided to go on it with him. He got on the coaster and the seat belt wouldn't fit! He had to get up with our son in front of everyone and leave, until the woman running the ride had him trade seats with someone else where there was a bigger seat belt to try. Holding up the line and ride, he got into the second seat and the seat belt did fit but just BARELY. The woman running it proceeded to jump up and down and "woohoo" it up, just drawing more attention. I watched from afar with our younger twins, feeling so horrible for my husband, however I do know that he does not get embarassed easily and things that would embarass me don't really embarass him! They DID get to go on the ride but it was a rough start!

That night before going to bed we were talking about what happened and he told me that he was embarassed of it, but yet also pissed off at america.. I mean why do they make seat belts soo short when you can tighten them up?? But anyway, I'm off point now.. he said it was motivating him to want to get in shape and lose some weight. So, we are doing it together. Starting today! Eating healthier and trying to be more active as much as we can. I've done it before so I know I can do it again. We also decided that we are going to do this together so that next year we can go to Cedar Point and ride ALL of the roller coasters without having to worry about being able to fit in the stupid seat! I guess it will be a bit of a fear breaker for me as well as I'm afraid of heights and normally stick to the mild roller coasters. I've always been too scared to try the BIG ones, but if I can lose weight then I want to over come this fear as well AND with my husband! Isn't that good motivation? That's just on TOP of all of the other motivaters I have in my life, especially now that my kids are getting older and more active!

So, that's where I am right now. Back to trying to lose weight. Not trying to DIET, trying to change my habits as this needs to be a life long change! I've gone back on sparkpeople.com (link on my fave websites list over to the right). If anyone is on there feel free to add me as your friend!

Oh and also, I've just enrolled in college! I was taking some online courses for Vet. Technician but I just think hands on classes would be better for me. I start August 31, 3 evenings a week 4 hours each night. Yikes! I'm very nervous about this. Normally I would be worried about going to a class with a bunch of strangers but I'm not even worried about that! I'm worried about TIME and having time to get everything done! As if I'm not busy enough with the kids and working and cleaning.. etc., now add on 12 hours a week of classes PLUS homework!! My oldest son starts school on the 25th so now we will be busier and he will have his own homework to do as well! I already get burned out as it is, I don't know how I'm going to handle all of this but I am going to do my best and hope/pray that my husband helps out more! Soooo, that's where I am! Here are a few pics from the other day at the Lake!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

My New Blog!

I've finally got my new blog up and running! Woohoo! I'm soo excited about this blog even though it really will serve no purpose but for me to share some of the more personal things going on in my life! The first post is just an introduction to myself and my family, so if anyone is interested come find me at Madam Sarcasm

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Some updates and memory lane!

I was sitting here trying to decide what my next post should be about. I began thinking about this blog and how it all got started. I realized that I've had this blog up and running for 2 1/2 years now, started in February of 2007! Originally it was supposed to be about my weight loss, which it was for the first year or so. I did lose some weight a long the way and think this blog helped me a lot!

I was sifting through some of my very first posts and wow it brought back some memories! I thought it would be fun to share them with some of my newer readers who may not have read them!

This one is my very first post telling a bit about myself and the blog: Who Am I?

These are a few of my favorites articles that I wrote in the beginning and am excited to have some of you read them again!

Being The Fat Girl

Eat To Live Don't Live To Eat

Last year, I turned over a new leaf with the blog and sort of switched more into talking about my depression. I wanted to cover a bit of everything; my fight with depression, information on depression and other mental illnesses AND weight loss!

Weight loss has been an on going struggle for me since I was a kid! I'm still struggling with it. I've gained some of the weight back that I lost. It's the one thing that I absolutely hate about myself and feel that I can not control! I don't want to be the fat mom, I don't want to end up like MY mom who has problems walking now because she has literally no knee left in her leg because of her weight.

I'm trying to start over with the weight loss. I hate calling it a diet! I'm not going to do anything drastic, just start eating healthier foods and controlling my portions of the "bad" foods. Also, want to try to get more exercise again. A friend of mine is trying to set up a weight loss support group, so I am very excited about that! I have to do something, I have to save my life! My husband has a lot of health problems stemming from his eating habits. He knows that he has to eat better and lose weight however he just talks about it but never does it. We both have to change our eating habits and be healthier for our kids and each other so we can grow old together!

Sooo, this blog will be a bit about both weight loss and depression/mental health as I believe that they can both go hand in hand. I believe the better mental health you are in, the more willing you will be to treat your body better!

Also, next month I'm starting a new blog! Yes, I've been itching to start something new (as if I'm not busy enough, right??). This one is going to be a personal blog, where I will post more personal things going on in my life, my family, my job, my friends..etc. It's going to be raw and opinionated and hey, I might even throw in a few curse words here and there! I'm not going to worry about how much readership I have or any of that, it's just going to be my own personal blog to vent in or share things in that I don't normally share in my other blogs. I'm sure I will post lots of pics and lots of random things. Once I get it up and running I will post a link here in case anyone may be interested!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Is depression inherited or not??

I was doing some research earlier to find out whether or not Depression can be inherited or not? There are various answers to this question. The main answer I came up with is some can inherit it and some don't.

However, think about it. If you are raised by a parent who suffers from depression and you were around that every day, wouldn't it rub off on you and you start to learn that same behavior that your parent exhibited? It would make sense that it would become sort of chiseled into your head subconsciously after growing up around it constantly. I notice in myself that some of the symptoms I have remind me of things that my mother did or how she reacts to things. Do you think we can teach our children to be depressed without knowing it?? Makes me very glad that I'm on medication now to help me control my symptoms. I never want my kids to go through the sort of depression that I have gone through.

I read somewhere that there is a depression gene that can be passed from parent to child. It may be laying there dormant until the person goes through something traumatic and it sort of "activates" the gene. That would make sense, too, considering that some depression is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain. A chemical imbalance can not be learned, can it?

I'm not a doctor, just thinking out loud and hope to get some opinions on this subject? Anyone???

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Summer has arrived!!

I'm back after a bit of a delay. Been working on a few other things online.. plus spending some good family time summer fun with my kids!! It was blistering hot last week so we ended up going to the beach at Lake Erie and also the Neil Armstrong Space Museum! This summer is starting out great so far!! However, being white as a ghost and out in the hot sun last week caused me to have a very bad bout of sun burn! I could barely move for a day or two and yes, I did use sun block!! At least now I am finally tanning, instead of just going back to being ghost white! lol

I did find some time to work on the blog. As you can see it looks a bit different. Not drastically different but I did make a few changes! Obviously I made some changes to the color scheme and layout. I think it added a little somethin' somethin' to it. Made it not so boring!! I know there are a lot better layouts out there but I'm happy with this one for now! Also, I cleaned up the side column so it looks a little better. Added a facebook badge, so everyone can add me on facebook! Also, if you like one of our posts here and you are on twitter you can tweet about it right from our page! Just click on the headliner for the post and at the bottom you will find something that says, "Tweet this". Don't forget that I'm on twitter and if you follow me I will follow you!!


Now for a little update on ME. I am still on Effexor and it has done wonders for me!! The positives:

** A lot less emotional.. I don't cry all the time or over small things like a commercial! lol
** I am a lot more patient with my kids.
** I have more energy to do things around the house.
** I'm not so moody with my husband all the time, which has helped our marriage tremendously!
** I don't stress over the small things any more.

Now don't get me wrong, I still have a few bad days here and there, but they are only maybe twice a month! I am loving life now, enjoying my kids more, enjoying my husband more! I feel like these meds have saved my life!! My only worry is that I've heard that after so long Effexor can start to lose its effects and then you have to ween off of it to go on something else. I'm crossing my fingers that it doesn't happen, however sometimes I wonder if I am going to have to be on medications for the rest of my life?? Do I want that?? Hmm, something to ponder, eh!

The only negative side effect I have noticed from the meds is decreased sexual appetite, however, I have 3 young children, I work and go to school.. do I really care?? Not much, haha!

Life is going pretty good right now. My marriage is going well, my kids are enjoying the summer and I am enjoying life!!

Monday, June 22, 2009


I'm going to be playing around with the layout of this blog for the next few days. Just tweaking a few things and cleaning up a little bit! If things look a little crazy here it is probably because I am in the middle of working on the layout! Don't let it scare you away! Just come back later when I (hopefully) have it all figured out!! Thanks!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Some great Depression information

Our guest writer Dee and I discussed writing our posts in an "interview" style instead of an article style. this way we can make sure that he focuses on the sort of information that a lot of us are looking for! If you have ANY questions on depression or any kind of mental health feel free to post it in a comment and we will answer it soon in this blog!


How can someone know if they are just having seasonal depression or a phase or depression or if it is something they need to get help with?
I think we should back up just a little bit and get clear about what depression means first. What we mean when we say someone is "depressed" in everyday talk may differ quite a bit from what a psychologist or a counselor calls "depression." In everyday language, depression usually refers to a state of feeling sad, down, "blue," or ho-hum, which is usually brought on through everyday hassles, stressful situations, or problematic relationships. Feelings like these are rather common and natural; we all become saddened at some point or another, and we usually snap out of it. People facing depression aren't as quick to shake it off and may find themselves acting out in ways that aren't typical of how they have behaved in the past. For example, a generally upbeat and optimistic person who enjoys being around his friends may find himself alone on the weekends, choosing to ignore phone calls and sleeping frequently. Or, someone who is really good at keeping a busy schedule and being on time for appointments and meetings may start missing days of work without a reasonable explanation. In any case, when these feelings of sadness and despair become so strong that they start getting in the way of how we interact with people, or how we perform in work or in school that people may need to seek some help. Some people dealing with depression recognize that they are out of sorts and refer themselves to professional care, while other people are so bogged down mentally and emotionally that a trusted friend or loved one will have to make the call for them.

What are some things that people can do to help get through depression on their own?
First things first. I think people have to recognize that if depressive symptoms are really severe that they can't fight them on their own. So I think that we need to be clear that, whatever someone is going through, whether it's just a minor setback that can go away with a bit of effort or if it's more serious than that.

For now, let's just assume that we are dealing with some minor stuff. I recommend doing a couple of things. Whenever I'm working with a client, I want to help that person get to the root of the problem. Whatever the situation, it is good to explore what's going on and see what's going on that may "trigger" these negative feelings. Another good thing to hunt down are "patterns" of the problem. For instance, if someone reports that they feel used all the time, I would ask about the people that tend to take advantage of the client and how they go about doing that. When clients start digging a little bit and making connections, then we can work together to build up some solutions. So, after exploring feeling used and abused, I learn that a client feels like she can't say no when asked to do a favor because she wants to be a good person. Quite simply, we would practice saying "no" and rehearsing situations in which it's okay to say no, and we would correct the mistaken idea that people can only be good to one another if they overcommit themselves. Therefore, the everyday troubles that we all go through can be worked on if we step back a little bit and try to figure them out in greater detail, looking out for patterns, and then working on solutions to correct those problematic patterns.

Some people don't believe in taking medications for mental disorders. What are the pros and cons of taking them? How do doctors decide who needs to be on medication for it and who may just need a little bit of therapy/counseling?
The simple answer is that talk therapy can do quite a bit of good so long as the client is into it, and the professional does therapy with care and in the best interests of the client. However, some professionals recognize that talk therapy has limits. For the really deep, serious problems, therapy might not deliver solid outcomes, and it's at that point the professional offers a referral. I think it's difficult to answer how doctors choose medication versus therapy because, really, it largely depends on how they're trained. Some doctors think medication can solve everything. Others politely disagree, and still others take a middle-road approach. Rather than take a stand on either-or, I honestly believe that a good intake session and early therapy work needs to get a complete a picture of what's going for the client, and that that picture will guide accordingly.

As with any medication, people need to know how to use the medication properly and to be aware of any side effects. Common side effects of anti-depressant medication include headache, dry mouth, restlessness, changes in sleep patterns, and sexual side effects (e.g. lack of arousal, lack of libido, decreased performance). Within the past couple of years, medications advertised on television warn clients to discontinue medication if they experience thoughts about committing suicide. There's a really great article on Wisegeek.com that describes symptoms associated with different types of medications like SSRIs and tricyclic medications. The pro- of taking medication, of course, is that, if taken correctly, they are helpful in alleviating symptoms. Clients should expect a period of trial and adjustment to medication. It will take some time for it to work, and in the early stages, the attending psychiatrist may change dosages or medications in order to get at the right dose. Some symptoms may feel uncomfortable. Clients should be warned about what to expect, urged to pay particularly close attention to how they feel on medication, and to report it during the course of therapy.

Do you think it would be better to fight depression with medication AND therapy both? Or could one or the other help on its own?
Personally, I don't think it's an either-or question. I think good counseling considers the advantages of both medication and talk-therapy as well as the client's needs. Depression situations differ greatly from case to case, and getting the full picture of what's going on with the client can really help solve the dispute.

Do you think the amount of people afflicted with depression has increased with how the economy is this year?
Excellent question. I'm not sure, actually. I suppose I say this because people can cope with being broke and struggling to find gainful employment, and that depression is as much a situation problem as it is the biochemical and physical goings-on in our bodies. That said, I would not be surprised if being broke is that proverbial straw that breaks a camel's back.

In any event, I wanted to wrap up with one thing. We have been talking about depression and treatment options today, and one thing I hope is that people do not feel ashamed about seeking professional help for problems. I think there is still a troublesome stigma about mental health treatment: that the only people that get help are truly "crazy," that people should be able to fix their own problems without needing help from other people, and that if you do seek help you're weak or helpless or incapable of handling your life. The truth is, people pick up and learn different coping mechanisms to adjust to the difficulties of life. Some things work; others don't. When you run out of options, you can look up self-help literature, or talk with friends and family. What's the difference between that and counseling? Ultimately, at the end of the day, people are making informed, conscious decisions to do better for themselves, and as long as you get something beneficial from it, then there's nothing wrong with it.

Don't forget, Dee has his own blog called Brainspitter! Be sure to check it out and show him some support and appreciation for his valuable information!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Friday, June 5, 2009

Welcome Our New Guest Blogger!

Soon I will be posting articles by our new guest blogger named Dee (how ironic as my nickname is Dea pronounced "Dee".. guess that means we are a good match??) I'm going to let him introduce himself. Be sure to check out his blog and expect to read more from him here soon!! ------------------------------------

My name is Dee. I'm 29 from Tucson, Arizona, and I'm a graduate student in sociology at the University of Arizona. I'm originally from Lexington, Kentucky. Before moving out here, I got a Master's degree in counseling. I ran a parenting workshop for parents in the drug court system back home, worked with children who were physically or sexually abused, and I also gave counseling for persons with chronic disease such as AIDS. Before moving here, I also worked part-time for a behavioral health clinic, helping individuals manage weight and exercise programs, ease stress and anxiety symptoms, and work in partnership with their doctors.

My blog is called Brainsplitter. I gave it that name because, basically, I got tired of using my blog to rant about what's going on in my everyday life. I don't really think I'm that interesting a read anyway aside from the few zany stories I get myself into. Anyway, I use my blog to talk about politics and current events, relationships, stuff I'm reading about or studying: basically, thought-provoking stuff to make readers say "hmmm." My writing took a bit of a turn during the most recent presidential election. I started covering the news cycles and offering commentary about current events. It has also been a good outlet for me as a student to talk about research and substantive interests. In my spare time, I like to hang out with my friends, play volleyball, and I enjoy a good beer every now and then.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Something to think about!

“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.”

“Never bend your head. Always hold it high.
Look the world straight in the face.”

~ Helen Keller.

"A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work."
~ Sir John Lubbock

"Edison failed 10, 000 times before he made the electric light. Do not be discouraged if you fail a few times."
~ Napoleon Hill

“Waste no more time talking about great souls and how they should be. Become one yourself!”
~ Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

“Once you accept the fact that you’re not perfect, then you develop some confidence.”
~ Rosalynn Carter

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Join in the Love!

Just wanted to post and invite anyone who would be interested in being a guest blogger here to feel free to send me your submissions! I can't pay but I can offer you some free advertisement here! I am looking for anything to do with depression, mental health, weight loss or stress management. Contact me through this blog and we will discuss the details!

Also, as always, I'm always looking to trade links so if you have a blog that you think will fit in with ours just leave me a comment with a link to your blog and I will check it out! It's just another way to help each other out!!

Monday, May 11, 2009

What a long month!

I'm baaaacckkk! Yes, I am! Had a very busy last few weeks. We loved our vacation to TN. It was great! It was our very first real family vacation and we all enjoyed it! TN is beautiful and everyone is so friendly! We saw a lot of beautiful places and saw some interesting things! We didn't want to go home, in fact, we stayed an extra day!

A week after we returned from our vacation, we moved. This past week has been very hectic between moving everything, emptying out our old house and getting it all cleaned up. Now we are finally free to start unpacking and get settled in! Yay! I LOVE our new house! It's soo big and beautiful! I'm excited to see how things go now that I am back in my hometown! I wish that I could just snap my fingers and have everything unpacked and put in its place.. then I would be happy!

Obviously we have been very busy and I have not had any free time to blog. Any little bit of free time goes to working! Apart from the busy-ness (yes, I know that's not a word, but I like it) of my life, things are going good. My meds are still helping a lot. I just feel peaceful most of the time. Don't get me wrong, it's not perfect EVERY day, I still have my moody days, especially around PMS time but they are far and few between. I just feel relaxed and I'm able to let things go instead of dwelling on them and letting them eat away at me. Things are going good with my marriage now. I think we have become closer but in a way, I also feel nervous about it as well because don't know when they could change back to the other way!

I'm happy that I have stuck to my meds. I really think they have changed my life. I think I'm a better mother and a better wife because of them! Some people don't believe in taking medication for mental problems but why suffer when you could be enjoying life??

Hopefully I will get back into a daily routine again and can start posting regularly soon! xo

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Maybe it will work THIS time??

Well, had something sort of exciting happen last week. I got a treadmill! Guess what I paid for it?? Nada! Nothing! Zilch! Zero! Yay! I was checking out the local newspaper online looking through the help wanted ads. I don't ever look at the free ads but something told me I should look and I saw someone was offering a treadmill. I made my husband call it because I hate calling people, lol and he went and picked it up later that day! It's in fine working condition, the only part that doesn't work on it is the "calories burned" part but I don't really care about that. My husband and I have both been using it on a pretty regular basis. It's really motivated me to start getting in shape. I'm trying not to focus on getting "thin" just being healthier and getting my body into better shape. My biggest problem is still my eating. Today was a bad day.. but tomorrow is a new day. I'm just trying to cut back on carbs.. Not take them out of my diet completely just cut back on them as they are a big weakness with me and concentrate on eating healthier foods like fruits and veggies. I would really like to try doing a body cleanse but I just don't know if I could stick with it for 7-10 days especially when I have 3 kids that I would have to cook for. I would be alright if I didn't have to cook food but it is a lot more tempting when the food is in front of me. I'm trying to get my husband into eating better. He is complaining about getting heavier and how he has really been working hard on the treadmill but feels like he is getting bigger instead of smaller. He is doing good with the workouts but horrible with the eating. Still eating junk food and expecting the weight to fall off. I'm no angel but I'm trying to do better. I can't force him to eat better though, he has to do it himself.

Have a very busy month ahead of us. My birthday is Thursday, April 9. I'm not telling you my age though, I don't like getting older!!... Easter this weekend, with the in laws on Saturday then my family on Sunday. Next Thursday we will be leaving at around 3am heading for Tennessee! We are taking the dog with us so we will be staying at a hotel. Will be coming back on the 21st. I'm soo excited! We have so many fun things planned to do with the kids. I've never been there before but have heard how beautiful it is there. My sister in law moved there a few years ago. My husband has been bugging me to move there for awhile, so this is going to be my chance to see it and decide if I think I would like to make the move some day.

Then the first week of May we are moving! I talked my husband into taking that house in my hometown. Yayyy! I'm just so excited about everything coming up! My life is normally pretty boring so I have lots to look forward to.

Sooo.. obviously, you should be expecting a delay in posts for a little bit. I'm sure I will have lots of pics to share of my trip to TN. I will try to post when I can! Hope everyone has a good Easter!

Friday, March 20, 2009

It's Always Something!

Hmm, Well maybe I was wrong about everyone having their own definition of happiness? Maybe everyone agrees with the dictionary definition? That's what I'm assuming since not one person commented on my last post? *teh*

Anyway, have a lot going on here. My husband's family is having problems. His uncle died two weeks ago from cancer. Now his aunt (the two used to be married but are not divorced) is in the hospital ready to die from cancer. She had surgery the day after her ex husband's funeral and was told that her body was so riddled with cancer that she has mere weeks to live. She was released from the hospital yesterday only to return a few hours later with a blood clot inches from her heart. Two years ago their thirty something year old daughter died from cancer. Cancer is a very scary thing and it actually has me thinking about my own family. My mom's biological mother went through the same thing of being opened up for surgery only to find her body filled with cancer. There was nothing they could do so they stitched her back up and she died mere weeks later. The same thing could happen to my mother or ME. I'm not exactly a spring chicken anymore. I will be 32 in a few weeks (don't remind me!).

On a more positive note, I think we are going to be moving! There is a beautiful house that will be available soon in my hometown and I want it! It's a two story three bedroom, 1 1/2 bath house with a 2 car garage. All hardwood floors. The living room is huge, the dining room is huge, the bedrooms are huge, the bathroom upstairs is huge, a screened in back porch, fenced in back yard, a re-done basement and it even has a little office room upstairs with a built in desk that would be just PERFECT for my work and school work! My husband is not too happy about it though. He has been fighting me on it. He doesn't really like my hometown and it would be further for him to drive to work. I made a list of the pros and cons about moving and there were only 3 cons and like 20 pros but he still is not convinced! He knows how badly I want this and how much better of a place it would be. The kids would have soo much more room, not to mention a big fenced in back yard to play in! One of the most important things for me about moving is that I would have friends close around. I think that is really what I need right now. I think that would make a HUGE difference for me. I would have friends go talk to. I could get out of the house more and do more things. I wouldn't feel caged up like I do here because I don't know anyone here. Our kids would have other kids to play with. I really think it would be good for our marriage, too because I think that I would be happier! I told him the other night that I'm moving with or without him.. so I think he is convinced that we are moving (and he refuses to let me go without him). The house still has a lot of things to be fixed so it wont be ready to move in to until May 1 so if all goes well I will be spending the majority of April packing! I've never been so excited to move before!

Thursday, March 12, 2009


I was sitting here looking over my blog trying to decide what to post about! Starting to get writer's block for this blog and needed some inspiration! As I was looking through my past posts something just popped into my head. I started asking myself, "what is it like to truly feel happy?" Then I started wondering what the definition of "happy" is?

Dictionary.com defines it as this:

1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.
3. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land.
4. apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.
5. obsessed by or quick to use the item indicated (usually used in combination): a trigger-happy gangster. Everybody is gadget-happy these days.

Now that I've thought of it for a little bit, I'm sure that everyone has their own different perception of what true happiness really is!

Can money buy happiness? Having the ability to buy anything your heart desires? Go on vacations? Have a nice house? Nice car? Nice clothing? Can that make someone truly happy? What about love? Can love make someone feel truly happy?

What does happiness feel like? Is it this overwhelming feeling of contentment that everything is good, everything is great? Having no worries in the world? Is it that feeling of just wanting to smile all the time and wish everyone a good day? Does true happiness last? Does it even EXIST?

I'm curious and hoping for some reader response here. I would love to find out what everyone's idea of true happiness is??

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

It's March, finally!

I haven't given an update on me personally in awhile so thought I would do that! I've been on the Effexor for awhile now. The doctor raised my dosage a few weeks ago. So far it seems to be working well. The depression and mood swings are far and few between. I did have a bad couple of days a few weeks ago but they didn't last! I definitely feel more relaxed. I know that some people complain that they feel "emotionless" and maybe I do feel that way sometimes but yet I like it. I don't get upset over small things anymore. I'm able to just blow things off and let them go easily. I don't like the drama that comes with getting upset easily, so I'm enjoying the calmness!

I've also noticed an increase in energy. I've gotten a lot of things done around the house over the past few weeks that have been on my "to do" list for MONTHS! I've gotten a lot of crap organized and it really is a good feeling to not feel like everything is chaotic and out of control! I feel like that sometimes when things are a mess and unorganized!

I've also recently signed up to be a volunteer at the local Humane Society! I'm soooo excited! My first day was supposed to be today but I've been down with a bad sinus infection and didn't think I would make a good first impression today, lol! I'm planning on Saturday now. I'm hoping to use this as a stepping stone to eventually get hired at a Veterinarian's Office. I can gain some experience and knowledge working here. I'm hoping that once they get to know me I will be able to help them with things like giving medication and injections, things like that! I'm going to LOVE being around animals all the time! Sometimes all you have to do is just sit and play with the cats to give them some social interaction! I'm also excited because this will get me out of the house and I will get to meet some new people, which is what I think I need right now, too!

Sooo, right now, I'm actually feeling PRETTY good. Things are going somewhat better with my husband and I. We haven't been able to go to counseling in almost a month because of his job. He normally had the same two days off every week, well now they have started to muck the schedules around so he doesn't know what days he will have off and we can't make appointments at the last minute so I don't know what we are going to do about that?? I do think we still need to go but the only time we can go is while the kids are in school as we have no one else to watch them during the week!

I will be back soon!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Symptoms of Depression..

Depression comes in very different forms! If you are not sure if you just have the "blues" or if you are suffering from a serious Depression problem, here are some symptoms to keep an eye out for. If you have the following symptoms that just don't seem to go away then it is time to consider getting help.

* you can't sleep enough or you sleep too much
* you can't concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
* you feel worthless and hopeless
* you can't control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
* you have lost your appetite or you can't stop eating
* you are constantly irritated or become enraged even at small things - and this is new for you
* you have thoughts that life is not worth living, or have a plan for how you would end it
* you have lost your energy.
*you cry for no apparent reason and feel as if you can't control it.
*IF you have thoughts of suicide GET HELP IMMEDIATELY!!

Ways to help you cope with your depression:

*Ask for help and support from your friends and family.
*Make healthy lifestyle changes (regular exercise, enough sleep, eating healthy.. etc).
*Seek help from a professional. Talk to a therapist or even just a doctor to help you decide if you need to be on medication.
*Keep up with social activities.
*Join a support group.
*Do things that you enjoy.
*Write in a journal.
*Make a list of things you like about yourself.
*Get some sunlight every day.
*Find ways to manage your stress.
*Boost your B vitamins.
*Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. (this can be difficult but practice and make yourself do it and the easier it will become!)

Depression is not an easy thing to deal with. If you are tired of living with depression and fighting a constant battle get HELP and make the changes that are needed to make life enjoyable again! I'm working on it and I feel soo much better already on the inside and out!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Something odd is going on!

I came to post but.. where are all of my posts?? All that shows up are my ads and my side bar?? WTF? My other two blogs are showing up just fine?? This has me freaking out just a wee bit! Where did they go? I'm hoping it's just some sort of glitch and will be fixed in the morning??

I've not posted much lately. I spent all of last week dealing with the horrible stomach flu that was going around. It started off with my 4 yr old son getting it. Then I got it, then my 5 yr old son got it! My husband had it the week before but we didn't realize it was the flu because he has a lot of other stomach problems. The only one that didn't get it was my daughter. Lucky her! It was awful! Horrible stomach cramps. Couldn't keep anything down. Ugh. I hate the stomach flu.. I'm glad it's over with!.. Oh, I also hate cleaning up my children's puke, too! Eeegads!

Things have been going a little better here. My husband was put on Anxiety pills and it has made a huge difference in him. He is in a better mood now and is a lot more fun to be around and a lot more affectionate. I need to buy stock in these pills! I can't believe the difference! Things are much more relaxed here now, thankfully!

I went back to the doctor yesterday. He's upping my dosage of Effexor a little bit. I was doing alright until just a few days ago then I felt the mood swings coming back. I don't know if it is just the stress of everything going on right now. I'm so burned out. I feel like I am doing EVERYTHING around here. I feel like I am taken for granted because I work at home instead of going out somewhere to work. I spend my day working, taking care of kids, dealing with arguments/temper tantrums, cooking, cleaning up after 3 kids, dishes, laundry, cooking some more, working some more, and working some more.. ooh and don't forget I'm also in school, too! Soo, trying to squeeze some reading/studying time in there, too! From the time I get up in the morning I don't really have a chance to sit down and RELAX until after the kids are back in bed that night! Then I usually come online and work some more.. Thankfully night time is slow so this is when I try to squeeze in my blogging or other internet things that I do! My husband doesn't really help with much at all anymore. He comes home from work and sits on the couch or at the computer while I'm studying or cooking.. etc.. Yesterday I asked him to do something quite simple for me on his day off. His response was, "it's my day off, I just want to relax and do nothing".. and THAT he did! While I did everything else. I even made the comment, "I wish I had a day to just relax and do nothing". To which he responded, "well take a day and relax". HA! Right. I don't have that option! He just doesn't get it and I don't think he realizes how much I do. I think that HE thinks because I work from home that I have it easy!

Oh yay! I just checked my blog again and all posts are back! *phew*...

While I'm thinking of it. I have made a Squidoo lense similar to this blog. I have put a lot of great advice on it including symptoms of depression and how to improve your self esteem! I do hope you will take some time to check it out! JOURNEY TO A NEW ME SQUIDOO LENSE

Monday, February 9, 2009

A little inspiration....

A few quotes to make you think!

“Realize that true happiness lies within you.

Waste no time and effort searching peace, contentment and joy in the world outside.

Remember there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving.

Reach out.




Happiness is a perfume that you cannot pour out on others without getting a few drops on yourself.”

--Og Mandino

“Hope is the strongest driving force for a people. Hope, which brings about change, which produces new realities, is what opens man’s road to freedom. Once hope has taken hold, courage must unite with wisdom. That is the only way of avoiding violence, the only way of maintaining the calm one needs to respond peacefully to offenses.”

--Oscar Arias Sanchez

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Goodbye Prozac...

Well, I've been off of the Prozac for about a week now. The heart palpitations are still here, just not as often. I've been on the low dose of Effexor for a week. Haven't noticed much difference in my mood yet but it will take time for the Prozac to get out of my system and the Effexor to take hold. I have noticed a few side effects from the Effexor. I've been really super tired lately, however I don't know if it's from the meds or just from my LIFE. I'm feeling burned out.. just too many things to do and not enough hours in the day. Between work, kids, school, housework, meals... etc. I'm just drained every day and I know it's not going to get any easier any time soon. My husband doesn't help me with much of anything anymore.. He used to, but not anymore.

When I was prescribed Effexor I did some research on it. The biggest complaint that I read was weight gain! *crap!* and now I'm starting to understand it! For the past few days I just feel starving all the time.. even if I have just eaten! Now I'm freaking out that I'm going to gain more weight, which I obviously DON'T need! I just feel hungry all the time!! I have to do something before it gets out of control! When I go grocery shopping next I'm going to get some healthy snacks to have for when I get this starving feeling. I also think I'm going to start working out again at home while the kids are in school. I'm hoping that soon I will have the money to join the local gym that a friend of mine goes to. I would have someone to work out with and I really think that working out would give me more energy and would motivate me to eat healthier again. BUT, that is just one more thing to squeeze into my daily schedule!

Things on the marriage front are not much better. I'm about to give up on marriage counseling. At our last session the counselor actually got onto HIM for not making any sort of effort to show me any kind of affection. He said he wanted us both to make some sort of effort before our next session (which was supposed to be yesterday but my husband ended up having to work so we couldn't make it). So far, no effort. I really feel like there is no point going to marriage counseling if he is not going to put any effort into it.

BUT, screw it. I'm not going to worry about it anymore. I'm just going to do my own thing and work on myself.. not let him bring me down ANY more. Still have a lot of things to think about before making any rash decisions. Just see where life takes me..

Oh yeah.. and SCREW SNOW!! Argh.. this winter has been absolutely horrible!!!

Ooh and if anyone is on Twitter follow me! tatteredsoul77

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Well.. there goes that!

Soo, about a week ago I started noticing something odd happening. Whenever I did any sort of activity, even as little as taking a shower or washing dishes I noticed my heart would start racing and I would get short of breath and have mild heart palpitations! I also had noticed that whenever I was stressed or rushing to get something done my hands would start to shake. I assumed it was a side effect of the Prozac. Hoping that the doctor would give me something for the side effects I went back to the doctor a few days ago. He said we COULD wait it out a few weeks to see if they go away but they most likely wont. He is weening me off of the Prozac and then I'm going on Effexor. *sigh* I'm very disappointed. The Prozac was really helping me mentally! My mood swings were almost completely gone and I didn't cry all of the time! I felt content! Now I'm scared that the Effexor wont work as well. Although I do know someone who was on Effexor and it helped him tremendously. I'm just worried about having other side effects like I had with the Cymbalta before like the exhaustion and migraines. Grrr.. I'm getting frustrated, I just want something that will help me but now hurt the rest of my body!!

I also want to say thank you to everyone who left a comment on my last post about affection. Seems so far that everyone is in agreeance with me.. except for my husband. He just doesn't get it. I told him last night that if he is not able to show his own wife any kind of affection then there is something wrong with him. It's not ME over reacting about it! It's him! .. I've asked him WHY he doesn't want to show me affection and he has no answer. Just that "it's not important" to him.. but it always has been before! I told him that if things don't change and SOON that I can't stay here like this... and this time it will be for GOOD. I deserve happiness. I know I haven't been perfect in our marriage but I'm fixing what I believe needs to be fixed.. I deserve to be treated like a wife, not a room mate. I guess I have a big decision ahead of me.. It's just hard with the kids because I know it will cause so much stress on them if we get a divorce but I also know that I can't be the best mother I can be being so unhappy like this.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Is affection important in a relationship??

I'm hoping that I can get some reader input here... from both males AND females.

Let me give you a little background.. as I've mentioned before, my husband and I are currently in marriage counseling. We have been separated two times now and got back together at the end of the summer. Although most things are going well, my biggest complaint right now is no affection. When we first got back together there was a little bit of affection but really not much. When I asked my husband about it he said at first it was because we had just gotten back together and things were a little awkward.. and to just give him time. Well, I gave him time, lots of it.. but the affection became less instead of more! When we started to go to counseling I talked to the therapist about it. At first he told me that I should just ASK for affection. If i want a hug or a kiss.. just ask. I told him that it was a bit uncomfortable for me to ask after getting NO affection from him but he told me that sometimes we have to do things that make us uncomfortable.. or else the problem wont change! Soo, I did that. Even though it was a bit uncomfortable after everything, I started to ask him for a hug or a kiss. He obliged.. but only when I asked. I finally realized that I only got any kind of affection when I asked. If I didnt ask, I got nothing.. I finally gave up. Why should I put all of the effort into it and he put nothing into it?? I mean I get NO affection. I get no, "i love you", i get no goodbye kiss, no hugs, no cuddles, no flirts, NADA! I feel like I have a room mate, not a husband!... At our last counseling sesson, the counselor was more or less taking HIS side.. saying that back in the 1950's men didn't show their wives affection. Going to work and supporting the family was enough showing of "love".. and that him going to work every day should be enough for me.. Well, I work, too.. and he would still work even if I wasn't here!!.. and it's 2009 not 1950!

Now, I realize that some people are just not affectionate people. My husband has always been very affectionate with me. I never had to ASK.. he just was! He always wanted to cuddle with me.. always held my hand when we were out somewhere, wouldn't leave without telling me he loves me and giving me a kiss goodbye. I just don't understand the sudden change. Now he tries to say that he is just "not an affectionate person".. but he always has been! He says he loves me and he wants me to stay but he doesn't even act like he is the slightest bit attracted to me! I feel invisible here.. feel like I'm just here to be the maid and take care of the kids while he is at work! I asked him, how am I supposed to feel secure in our marriage after everything that has happened when he doesn't even act like he is attracted to me? He knows how much this is hurting me but he is not making any kind of effort. He says he doesn't know WHY he doesn't feel that affection is important any more. I know he has his own issues as I've mentioned before. I think he has some attachment issues. So far, none of HIS problems have been addressed.. it's all been about ME.. and I've been made to feel like I am over reacting to the no affection thing. However, everyone I have talked to feels the same as me. I even did some online research on how important affection is and everything I've read states that affection is important. Hell, I've watched 65 yr old married couples be more affection than my husband is! It hurts.. a lot. I'm not happy here. I don't feel loved here... but yet he still begs me to say? I just don't understand it...

So anyway, my question to all of you is: "Do you think affection is important in a relationship?". Please leave me a comment and tell me what you think!!