It is about ME isn't it??

Been awhile since I've done a personal update... So here I am again!

Things have been going good just extremely busy, busier than before! Is that possible?? I'm finishing up my second month of school and this upcoming week will be the last week for Intro. to Microcomputers. This class has been pretty boring because it's basic computer skills that I all ready know. I have a 98% in the class so I think I'm doing pretty well. Next month is Composition 1 and I've been told by a friend who has the class this month that there is A LOT of homework in the Comp. class so there goes even more of my time! Between school, working, taking the kids back and forth to school and housework it seems I never have time to myself except to sleep!! I guess it's just a part of life though and it will get better eventually. I'm really enjoying school. I love learning new things and it's good for me to be able to get out of the house, leave the hubby in charge and have some time talking to other adults. I've made a few friends so far and hope to make more with every class. The school I'm going to does things a little differently. You have one class a month, 12 hours a week of class time. I think it's nice that way because I am able to concentrate on just the one subject instead of trying to concentrate on 2 or 3 different subjects!

Fall is here and the scenery is beautiful but it has been cold here and I am just not ready for winter! I'm sure if you have read this blog or my Rants In My Pants blog you all ready know that I despise winter! I hate the cold, the snow, the ice, having to bundle up 3 kids and myself! Ugh!! I am looking forward to xmas this year, though. We have a beautiful house to decorate and each year gets better and better as the kids get older and comprehend xmas and Santa Clause!

Mentally I'm doing pretty good. Still on my meds and most of the time they work pretty well. I do have a day here and there, very rare, where I just want to cry at the drop of a hat! I hate those days!!! But thankfully they are far and few between! I have noticed that if I forget to take my pills for a few days I will get really ill feeling. I will just feel exhausted with no energy, I will be very angry and even get dizzy! It sucks, so I try to remember to take them every day, it's usually on the weekends when I forget because I'm here and there and everywhere out of my routine on the weekend! It just worries me that if/when I decide to go off of the pills I'm going to have a very hard time with withdrawals as I've read is very common if you want to go off of Effexor. I know I can't stay on them for the next 40 yrs or however long I have left, but yikes, the withdrawals sound worse than heroin withdrawals (or so I've heard).

I really hate that my blog postings have been soo sparatic. I really enjoy blogging but the only real time I have to myself is at night and I'm normally too exhausted to think enough to write anything or I just want to spend some time with my hubby!.. Speaking of him, things have been going very well in our marriage. We just love spending time together with and without the kids. Even when I'm at school he will text me to tell me how much he misses me. I'm glad the old husband is back and I hope he stays this time!! Right now, I'm content for the most part!

Summer has arrived!!

I'm back after a bit of a delay. Been working on a few other things online.. plus spending some good family time summer fun with my kids!! It was blistering hot last week so we ended up going to the beach at Lake Erie and also the Neil Armstrong Space Museum! This summer is starting out great so far!! However, being white as a ghost and out in the hot sun last week caused me to have a very bad bout of sun burn! I could barely move for a day or two and yes, I did use sun block!! At least now I am finally tanning, instead of just going back to being ghost white! lol

I did find some time to work on the blog. As you can see it looks a bit different. Not drastically different but I did make a few changes! Obviously I made some changes to the color scheme and layout. I think it added a little somethin' somethin' to it. Made it not so boring!! I know there are a lot better layouts out there but I'm happy with this one for now! Also, I cleaned up the side column so it looks a little better. Added a facebook badge, so everyone can add me on facebook! Also, if you like one of our posts here and you are on twitter you can tweet about it right from our page! Just click on the headliner for the post and at the bottom you will find something that says, "Tweet this". Don't forget that I'm on twitter and if you follow me I will follow you!!

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Now for a little update on ME. I am still on Effexor and it has done wonders for me!! The positives:

** A lot less emotional.. I don't cry all the time or over small things like a commercial! lol
** I am a lot more patient with my kids.
** I have more energy to do things around the house.
** I'm not so moody with my husband all the time, which has helped our marriage tremendously!
** I don't stress over the small things any more.

Now don't get me wrong, I still have a few bad days here and there, but they are only maybe twice a month! I am loving life now, enjoying my kids more, enjoying my husband more! I feel like these meds have saved my life!! My only worry is that I've heard that after so long Effexor can start to lose its effects and then you have to ween off of it to go on something else. I'm crossing my fingers that it doesn't happen, however sometimes I wonder if I am going to have to be on medications for the rest of my life?? Do I want that?? Hmm, something to ponder, eh!

The only negative side effect I have noticed from the meds is decreased sexual appetite, however, I have 3 young children, I work and go to school.. do I really care?? Not much, haha!

Life is going pretty good right now. My marriage is going well, my kids are enjoying the summer and I am enjoying life!!

It's March, finally!

I haven't given an update on me personally in awhile so thought I would do that! I've been on the Effexor for awhile now. The doctor raised my dosage a few weeks ago. So far it seems to be working well. The depression and mood swings are far and few between. I did have a bad couple of days a few weeks ago but they didn't last! I definitely feel more relaxed. I know that some people complain that they feel "emotionless" and maybe I do feel that way sometimes but yet I like it. I don't get upset over small things anymore. I'm able to just blow things off and let them go easily. I don't like the drama that comes with getting upset easily, so I'm enjoying the calmness!

I've also noticed an increase in energy. I've gotten a lot of things done around the house over the past few weeks that have been on my "to do" list for MONTHS! I've gotten a lot of crap organized and it really is a good feeling to not feel like everything is chaotic and out of control! I feel like that sometimes when things are a mess and unorganized!

I've also recently signed up to be a volunteer at the local Humane Society! I'm soooo excited! My first day was supposed to be today but I've been down with a bad sinus infection and didn't think I would make a good first impression today, lol! I'm planning on Saturday now. I'm hoping to use this as a stepping stone to eventually get hired at a Veterinarian's Office. I can gain some experience and knowledge working here. I'm hoping that once they get to know me I will be able to help them with things like giving medication and injections, things like that! I'm going to LOVE being around animals all the time! Sometimes all you have to do is just sit and play with the cats to give them some social interaction! I'm also excited because this will get me out of the house and I will get to meet some new people, which is what I think I need right now, too!

Sooo, right now, I'm actually feeling PRETTY good. Things are going somewhat better with my husband and I. We haven't been able to go to counseling in almost a month because of his job. He normally had the same two days off every week, well now they have started to muck the schedules around so he doesn't know what days he will have off and we can't make appointments at the last minute so I don't know what we are going to do about that?? I do think we still need to go but the only time we can go is while the kids are in school as we have no one else to watch them during the week!

I will be back soon!!

Goodbye Prozac...

Well, I've been off of the Prozac for about a week now. The heart palpitations are still here, just not as often. I've been on the low dose of Effexor for a week. Haven't noticed much difference in my mood yet but it will take time for the Prozac to get out of my system and the Effexor to take hold. I have noticed a few side effects from the Effexor. I've been really super tired lately, however I don't know if it's from the meds or just from my LIFE. I'm feeling burned out.. just too many things to do and not enough hours in the day. Between work, kids, school, housework, meals... etc. I'm just drained every day and I know it's not going to get any easier any time soon. My husband doesn't help me with much of anything anymore.. He used to, but not anymore.

When I was prescribed Effexor I did some research on it. The biggest complaint that I read was weight gain! *crap!* and now I'm starting to understand it! For the past few days I just feel starving all the time.. even if I have just eaten! Now I'm freaking out that I'm going to gain more weight, which I obviously DON'T need! I just feel hungry all the time!! I have to do something before it gets out of control! When I go grocery shopping next I'm going to get some healthy snacks to have for when I get this starving feeling. I also think I'm going to start working out again at home while the kids are in school. I'm hoping that soon I will have the money to join the local gym that a friend of mine goes to. I would have someone to work out with and I really think that working out would give me more energy and would motivate me to eat healthier again. BUT, that is just one more thing to squeeze into my daily schedule!

Things on the marriage front are not much better. I'm about to give up on marriage counseling. At our last session the counselor actually got onto HIM for not making any sort of effort to show me any kind of affection. He said he wanted us both to make some sort of effort before our next session (which was supposed to be yesterday but my husband ended up having to work so we couldn't make it). So far, no effort. I really feel like there is no point going to marriage counseling if he is not going to put any effort into it.

BUT, screw it. I'm not going to worry about it anymore. I'm just going to do my own thing and work on myself.. not let him bring me down ANY more. Still have a lot of things to think about before making any rash decisions. Just see where life takes me..

Oh yeah.. and SCREW SNOW!! Argh.. this winter has been absolutely horrible!!!

Ooh and if anyone is on Twitter follow me! tatteredsoul77

Well.. there goes that!

Soo, about a week ago I started noticing something odd happening. Whenever I did any sort of activity, even as little as taking a shower or washing dishes I noticed my heart would start racing and I would get short of breath and have mild heart palpitations! I also had noticed that whenever I was stressed or rushing to get something done my hands would start to shake. I assumed it was a side effect of the Prozac. Hoping that the doctor would give me something for the side effects I went back to the doctor a few days ago. He said we COULD wait it out a few weeks to see if they go away but they most likely wont. He is weening me off of the Prozac and then I'm going on Effexor. *sigh* I'm very disappointed. The Prozac was really helping me mentally! My mood swings were almost completely gone and I didn't cry all of the time! I felt content! Now I'm scared that the Effexor wont work as well. Although I do know someone who was on Effexor and it helped him tremendously. I'm just worried about having other side effects like I had with the Cymbalta before like the exhaustion and migraines. Grrr.. I'm getting frustrated, I just want something that will help me but now hurt the rest of my body!!

I also want to say thank you to everyone who left a comment on my last post about affection. Seems so far that everyone is in agreeance with me.. except for my husband. He just doesn't get it. I told him last night that if he is not able to show his own wife any kind of affection then there is something wrong with him. It's not ME over reacting about it! It's him! .. I've asked him WHY he doesn't want to show me affection and he has no answer. Just that "it's not important" to him.. but it always has been before! I told him that if things don't change and SOON that I can't stay here like this... and this time it will be for GOOD. I deserve happiness. I know I haven't been perfect in our marriage but I'm fixing what I believe needs to be fixed.. I deserve to be treated like a wife, not a room mate. I guess I have a big decision ahead of me.. It's just hard with the kids because I know it will cause so much stress on them if we get a divorce but I also know that I can't be the best mother I can be being so unhappy like this.