Goodbye Prozac...

Well, I've been off of the Prozac for about a week now. The heart palpitations are still here, just not as often. I've been on the low dose of Effexor for a week. Haven't noticed much difference in my mood yet but it will take time for the Prozac to get out of my system and the Effexor to take hold. I have noticed a few side effects from the Effexor. I've been really super tired lately, however I don't know if it's from the meds or just from my LIFE. I'm feeling burned out.. just too many things to do and not enough hours in the day. Between work, kids, school, housework, meals... etc. I'm just drained every day and I know it's not going to get any easier any time soon. My husband doesn't help me with much of anything anymore.. He used to, but not anymore.

When I was prescribed Effexor I did some research on it. The biggest complaint that I read was weight gain! *crap!* and now I'm starting to understand it! For the past few days I just feel starving all the time.. even if I have just eaten! Now I'm freaking out that I'm going to gain more weight, which I obviously DON'T need! I just feel hungry all the time!! I have to do something before it gets out of control! When I go grocery shopping next I'm going to get some healthy snacks to have for when I get this starving feeling. I also think I'm going to start working out again at home while the kids are in school. I'm hoping that soon I will have the money to join the local gym that a friend of mine goes to. I would have someone to work out with and I really think that working out would give me more energy and would motivate me to eat healthier again. BUT, that is just one more thing to squeeze into my daily schedule!

Things on the marriage front are not much better. I'm about to give up on marriage counseling. At our last session the counselor actually got onto HIM for not making any sort of effort to show me any kind of affection. He said he wanted us both to make some sort of effort before our next session (which was supposed to be yesterday but my husband ended up having to work so we couldn't make it). So far, no effort. I really feel like there is no point going to marriage counseling if he is not going to put any effort into it.

BUT, screw it. I'm not going to worry about it anymore. I'm just going to do my own thing and work on myself.. not let him bring me down ANY more. Still have a lot of things to think about before making any rash decisions. Just see where life takes me..

Oh yeah.. and SCREW SNOW!! Argh.. this winter has been absolutely horrible!!!

Ooh and if anyone is on Twitter follow me! tatteredsoul77

Well.. there goes that!

Soo, about a week ago I started noticing something odd happening. Whenever I did any sort of activity, even as little as taking a shower or washing dishes I noticed my heart would start racing and I would get short of breath and have mild heart palpitations! I also had noticed that whenever I was stressed or rushing to get something done my hands would start to shake. I assumed it was a side effect of the Prozac. Hoping that the doctor would give me something for the side effects I went back to the doctor a few days ago. He said we COULD wait it out a few weeks to see if they go away but they most likely wont. He is weening me off of the Prozac and then I'm going on Effexor. *sigh* I'm very disappointed. The Prozac was really helping me mentally! My mood swings were almost completely gone and I didn't cry all of the time! I felt content! Now I'm scared that the Effexor wont work as well. Although I do know someone who was on Effexor and it helped him tremendously. I'm just worried about having other side effects like I had with the Cymbalta before like the exhaustion and migraines. Grrr.. I'm getting frustrated, I just want something that will help me but now hurt the rest of my body!!

I also want to say thank you to everyone who left a comment on my last post about affection. Seems so far that everyone is in agreeance with me.. except for my husband. He just doesn't get it. I told him last night that if he is not able to show his own wife any kind of affection then there is something wrong with him. It's not ME over reacting about it! It's him! .. I've asked him WHY he doesn't want to show me affection and he has no answer. Just that "it's not important" to him.. but it always has been before! I told him that if things don't change and SOON that I can't stay here like this... and this time it will be for GOOD. I deserve happiness. I know I haven't been perfect in our marriage but I'm fixing what I believe needs to be fixed.. I deserve to be treated like a wife, not a room mate. I guess I have a big decision ahead of me.. It's just hard with the kids because I know it will cause so much stress on them if we get a divorce but I also know that I can't be the best mother I can be being so unhappy like this.

Positive Thinking??

I've been on Prozac for about 3 weeks now. I'm on 20 mgs now. It is kind of hard for me to tell how much of a difference it is making just because I have been sick for the past 2 1/2 weeks! Cold, cough, sore throat, stuffy, runny nose! I am on an antibiotic and was feeling better but now the last few days I've been having a stuffy runny nose again however I'm starting to think it's just sinus problems this time. Still makes me feel like poop though! Grrrrr.. After 2 1/2 weeks I'm tired of feeling like crap every day!

I have not noticed any bad side effects at all. I have noticed that I'm not AS emotional as I normally am. I've actually not cried in quite awhile! Even when watching something sad on TV I'm not fighting back tears like I normally would. I hope that's a good sign then?.. I've also noticed that some of the little things don't bother me as much.. I can kind of just blow them off and forget about them. BUT, that could also be because I feel like crap and don't care???

We had a marriage counseling session yesterday and I actually learned a lot. The therapist is trying to teach me how to think differently to help control my emotions. He explained it like this: if you are out somewhere and someone bumps into you without saying excuse me or apologizing how do you react? Do you get mad and say, "hey asshole what's your problem??".. most people would.. I would, lol! You can stop negative thoughts with positive thoughts.. or by saying to yourself, "they must have had a bad day" or "it's not my fault they are in a bad mood".. and just move on! When dealing with other people it helps to remember that you can not control other people's emotions.. if someone is angry or upset it is not YOUR fault. The hard part is actually changing your way of thinking. After years and years of thinking a certain way it's hard to retrain your brain to think positively! .. But I'm working on it.

Prozac Nation

Soo.. I went to the doctor last week to get on something for my depression. I was a bit surprised when he prescribed me Prozac! I came home and researched it as I didn't know a lot about it. With medications that alter the chemicals in your brain everyone can have a different reaction. I've read both good and bad reviews of Prozac. The bad includes horrible vivid nightmares (almost like night terrors), dizziness, worse anxiety than before, debilitating migraines, insomnia.. etc. However, I also read others say that Prozac has improved their life substantially! I guess it will just be a waiting game to see how my brain reacts to it. I'm trying to stay positive but ofcourse I still remember those bad side effects in the back of my mind! I'm only taking the lowest dosage right now. With these kinds of medications they have to build up the strength slowly. I take 10 mgs for the first week, then 20 the second week. Tomorrow I will start with the 20 mgs. So FAR I've not noticed any bad effects from it, but it's only the beginning! I figured this blog would be a great place for me to talk about my experience with Prozac as it has gotten a bad reputation over the years!.. I have read that Prozac is also used in treating binge eating (which I would love some help with). I've read one person say they lost 40 lbs in like 6 weeks from it.. while I've read someone else say that they gained weight on it!.. It also is used to treat social anxiety which I think I have a mild case of. I always thought that I was just super shy and insecure around people but after reading up on it some of the symptoms sound just like me!

My husband does not understand Depression at all. Even after the therapist told me that I needed to be on something, I told my husband that I needed him to help me through this and to be there for me.. But he has not many any attempt to try to understand it. He says he doesn't know how to help me.. but I told him that he could go online and read up about it to try to help him understand.. or he could just sit down with ME and I could tell him exactly how I feel inside with the depression and how it MAKES me feel. .. But he makes no attempt at all to support me through this. He thinks I should just be able to turn it off and think positively about everything. I guess maybe that's what the Therapist can help us out with. Help HIM to be more understanding. I know that my depression has caused a lot of our problems. I'm not saying ALL of them, but a lot of them..

Speaking of Marriage Counseling.. we were supposed to have another meeting with him today but all 3 kids are sick. My oldest has Bronchitis and an ear infection.. and now the twins are getting it. They couldnt go to school today and we had no one to watch them so we had to reschedule for next week. Guess it's for the better because now I am sick, too! YAY! Throat hurting so badly that it hurts to swallow or talk, stuffed up nose and head.. throbbing head, fever. Ooh yes I feel like POOP!.. All I want to do is sleep but I have to work as it is the last week of the month AND I have to look after 3 sick whiney kids on top of it! Ooh it's so much fun being sick when you have kids!! I miss being able to just sleep all day when I'm sick!

Oh and one more thing.. Im going to update my links soon, so if are interested in trading links just leave me a comment! As long as your blog has something to do with health, mental health, weight loss..well really anything that I talk about here then I would love to trade links with you!!