Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Prozac Nation

Soo.. I went to the doctor last week to get on something for my depression. I was a bit surprised when he prescribed me Prozac! I came home and researched it as I didn't know a lot about it. With medications that alter the chemicals in your brain everyone can have a different reaction. I've read both good and bad reviews of Prozac. The bad includes horrible vivid nightmares (almost like night terrors), dizziness, worse anxiety than before, debilitating migraines, insomnia.. etc. However, I also read others say that Prozac has improved their life substantially! I guess it will just be a waiting game to see how my brain reacts to it. I'm trying to stay positive but ofcourse I still remember those bad side effects in the back of my mind! I'm only taking the lowest dosage right now. With these kinds of medications they have to build up the strength slowly. I take 10 mgs for the first week, then 20 the second week. Tomorrow I will start with the 20 mgs. So FAR I've not noticed any bad effects from it, but it's only the beginning! I figured this blog would be a great place for me to talk about my experience with Prozac as it has gotten a bad reputation over the years!.. I have read that Prozac is also used in treating binge eating (which I would love some help with). I've read one person say they lost 40 lbs in like 6 weeks from it.. while I've read someone else say that they gained weight on it!.. It also is used to treat social anxiety which I think I have a mild case of. I always thought that I was just super shy and insecure around people but after reading up on it some of the symptoms sound just like me!

My husband does not understand Depression at all. Even after the therapist told me that I needed to be on something, I told my husband that I needed him to help me through this and to be there for me.. But he has not many any attempt to try to understand it. He says he doesn't know how to help me.. but I told him that he could go online and read up about it to try to help him understand.. or he could just sit down with ME and I could tell him exactly how I feel inside with the depression and how it MAKES me feel. .. But he makes no attempt at all to support me through this. He thinks I should just be able to turn it off and think positively about everything. I guess maybe that's what the Therapist can help us out with. Help HIM to be more understanding. I know that my depression has caused a lot of our problems. I'm not saying ALL of them, but a lot of them..

Speaking of Marriage Counseling.. we were supposed to have another meeting with him today but all 3 kids are sick. My oldest has Bronchitis and an ear infection.. and now the twins are getting it. They couldnt go to school today and we had no one to watch them so we had to reschedule for next week. Guess it's for the better because now I am sick, too! YAY! Throat hurting so badly that it hurts to swallow or talk, stuffed up nose and head.. throbbing head, fever. Ooh yes I feel like POOP!.. All I want to do is sleep but I have to work as it is the last week of the month AND I have to look after 3 sick whiney kids on top of it! Ooh it's so much fun being sick when you have kids!! I miss being able to just sleep all day when I'm sick!

Oh and one more thing.. Im going to update my links soon, so if are interested in trading links just leave me a comment! As long as your blog has something to do with health, mental health, weight loss..well really anything that I talk about here then I would love to trade links with you!!

Friday, November 14, 2008

The Great Depression (NOT the economy!)

So my husband and I started marriage counseling a few days ago. The therapist believes that I need to be back on an Anti-Depressant (which I agree with). I was on one back in 2006 but weened myself off of it after we moved. I've always known that I needed to get back on it but never took the time to take care of MYSELF and get to the doctor!!

I've always struggled with depression problems. Even as a teenager I remember always feeling low.. feeling lonely and isolated, almost.. but thought it was just typical teenage years. As an adult I struggled with it as well but never realized how much it affected me until the last few years. With everything I have gone through over the past through years I also think it has gotten a lot worse! I have my good days and bad days. Some days I feel happy and alright.. then I can wake up the next day feeling very down, alone and hating myself. I can also be very moody. I know it, I can admit it. It's not just PMS.. it's ME! I can be nice one moment and then BAM! ready to bite someone's head off the next. I'm also overly emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat. My mother was that way so I just assumed I got it from her.. but I think it is worse than hers! Sometimes I just can't stop crying either.. I can't calm myself down! I don't want to be that way. It's not something that I can control. It can be hard for some people to understand though. It's not a visible injury or disability, it's inside of my head.. if people can't see it, they sometimes can't understand it! My husband is very insensitive to it. He is not even trying to understand it.. he thinks I should just be happy! That easy!

When my husband and I first split up in 2006 it got worse. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep.. could barely get out of bed to take care of the kids.. I cried all of the time! I finally got myself into therapy to get help. What a JOKE that therapist was!! All she did was sit there and say, "what would you like to talk about today?" .. so I would tell her this and that and she would say, "ok what else would you like to talk about?" She did nothing to HELP me. She got paid $130 an hour just to sit there and listen! I have friends that will listen, I dont need to pay someone to do it! She sent me to a Psychiatrist to get put on an Anti-Depressant (Cymbalta)... HATED the Psychiatrist.. she was soo stuffy, NO personality, she didn't smile, didn't laugh.. i think SHE needed to be on meds, LOL!

Soo.. that is where I am at right now.. waiting to get into the doctor next Wednesday to get me on some meds.. I'm not too proud to accept chemical help. Obviously I can't fix this on my own. I know there are some people who refuse to take meds.. but sometimes there is a chemical imbalance in your brain and you NEED the help! If they find the right meds it can make a world of difference!

If you think you are experiencing problems with depression, go to this website and take the test! DEPRESSION SCREENING TEST

Friday, November 7, 2008

Where we are headed...

I mentioned awhile back that I wanted this blog to take a new direction. It was originally based around pure weightloss strategies. I want it to be something more than that!! To be honest, life has been so hectic that I've not concentrated much on weight loss, even though I know I should! Between the kids, work, school and housework I am just drained every day, mentally and physically... When the weather was nice my family and I took a lot of walks down by the river, even a few hikes which I always enjoyed and felt so good afterwards! Now that fall is upon us and winter is slowly approaching, the days are getting colder and the evenings get darker sooner.. If it were just my husband and I then I wouldn't mind going out in the cold for a little exercise, but it's difficult with three young children and freezing temperatures! I'm thinking of doing some yoga at home while the kids are in school half days. We will see how that goes..

I've been through a lot over the past few years. I have been through a lot of struggles. I have realized that I am much stronger than I ever thought I was! I've matured a lot.. I've grown mentally. There are still some things about myself that I would like to change and I'm trying to find ways to work on it (which may even include some therapy). I've started taking classes to be a Veterinarian Technician so that I can take a bit of control of my life and help myself and my family live better financially. Even though I'm getting a very late start with school, I guess late is better than never.

Very soon (I hope) you will see this blog looking differently. I am planning on re-doing the headlines to take out the weightloss. It will still be a journey to a new found me because that is exactly what I am doing.. trying to find the NEW me and the person that I want to be!

I have a few new ideas that I would like to try with the blog.. talking about my personal struggles and accomplishments. Would like to get some reader participation going on so will be asking a few questions for everyone to comment on in my posts. I'm also going to post some inspirational sayings, quotes, or stories.. anything that I come across! There are so many places I could take this blog.. as long as I can find the TIME.. that is my biggest obstacle right now.

I don't know how often I will be able to post in here.. I'm going to aim for once a week.. things don't always go the way they are planned, but that is what I am aiming for! I hope that the few of you who have read my blog in the past will continue to read it in the future and will be willing to participate in some of my discussions!!...

Lots to come.... xo