Friday, November 14, 2008

The Great Depression (NOT the economy!)

So my husband and I started marriage counseling a few days ago. The therapist believes that I need to be back on an Anti-Depressant (which I agree with). I was on one back in 2006 but weened myself off of it after we moved. I've always known that I needed to get back on it but never took the time to take care of MYSELF and get to the doctor!!

I've always struggled with depression problems. Even as a teenager I remember always feeling low.. feeling lonely and isolated, almost.. but thought it was just typical teenage years. As an adult I struggled with it as well but never realized how much it affected me until the last few years. With everything I have gone through over the past through years I also think it has gotten a lot worse! I have my good days and bad days. Some days I feel happy and alright.. then I can wake up the next day feeling very down, alone and hating myself. I can also be very moody. I know it, I can admit it. It's not just PMS.. it's ME! I can be nice one moment and then BAM! ready to bite someone's head off the next. I'm also overly emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat. My mother was that way so I just assumed I got it from her.. but I think it is worse than hers! Sometimes I just can't stop crying either.. I can't calm myself down! I don't want to be that way. It's not something that I can control. It can be hard for some people to understand though. It's not a visible injury or disability, it's inside of my head.. if people can't see it, they sometimes can't understand it! My husband is very insensitive to it. He is not even trying to understand it.. he thinks I should just be happy! That easy!

When my husband and I first split up in 2006 it got worse. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep.. could barely get out of bed to take care of the kids.. I cried all of the time! I finally got myself into therapy to get help. What a JOKE that therapist was!! All she did was sit there and say, "what would you like to talk about today?" .. so I would tell her this and that and she would say, "ok what else would you like to talk about?" She did nothing to HELP me. She got paid $130 an hour just to sit there and listen! I have friends that will listen, I dont need to pay someone to do it! She sent me to a Psychiatrist to get put on an Anti-Depressant (Cymbalta)... HATED the Psychiatrist.. she was soo stuffy, NO personality, she didn't smile, didn't laugh.. i think SHE needed to be on meds, LOL!

Soo.. that is where I am at right now.. waiting to get into the doctor next Wednesday to get me on some meds.. I'm not too proud to accept chemical help. Obviously I can't fix this on my own. I know there are some people who refuse to take meds.. but sometimes there is a chemical imbalance in your brain and you NEED the help! If they find the right meds it can make a world of difference!

If you think you are experiencing problems with depression, go to this website and take the test! DEPRESSION SCREENING TEST