Monday, September 24, 2007

Here I Go Again..On My Own...

Yes, I am in an 80's mood today, lol!!!.. Well, last week wasn't so great. I was just really busy and still feeling sick. My oldest baby started school last week *sniffles* and I was trying to work as much as possible. My sons teacher does home visits twice a month so now I'm going to have to squeeze those in every couple of weeks, too!..Anyway, I've been feeling crappy all week, mostly from not working out and I have been eating really badly. I just feel myself getting fatter and fatter and gaining pounds back but I refuse to get back on the scale because it will just depress me more!! However, today is Monday and it's a brand new week and I am feeling inspired again! I was getting tired of how I felt, just fat and yucky and was already planning on starting over today and getting back to it. Then lastnight I talked to a friend of mine. She has been trying to lose weight, too. She started before I did. She is able to actually go to a gym and work out (I'm jealous). Lastnight she told me she has lost 39 lbs now and was telling me about the cute clothes she has been buying. Saturday night she went out with her husband (he is in a band) and she got hit on by a few guys. I want to know that feeling!! It may sound shallow or immature but I have never had much attention from men. It was always my friends that got hit on and hardly ever me. It did happen once in awhile but it was rare and was always someone nasty, LOL!. I told her what an ego booster that must have been and she said she couldn't stop giggling all night! Im loving the clothes she has been wearing, too and I am mad at myself because I could be close to where she is by now. I SHOULD be close by now but I'm not and it's all MY fault. It's my fault for not being more diligent about my eating. I did work out every day before I got sick but would still eat badly most of the time. Well, not most of the time, but I had a lot of "cheats" that I shouldn't have had. I am really feeling motivated again! The other day I put in this 80's mix CD I burned and it made me want to move so I decided to use that for some of my workouts. I am feeling better from my cold..just have a little bit of a cough still left so today I'm getting back to my daily workouts. I already worked out this morning. I just started my monthly "friend" (she is no friend!) and Im realllly crampy and in pain but I still made myself do it! I put that mix CD in and just started dancing around. I threw in some work out moves here and there and I was sweating and feeling it! I'm going to start out like that and then slowly work myself back into the higher intensity workouts that I was doing. I know my body has to get used to it all over again since it has been about 2 weeks since I have really worked out. But I'm ready for it! I'm not dreading hopefully this motivation will stick around again! I'm not going to weigh myself, I'm just going to go by how my clothes feel and keep driving to be able to get into the next lower size! I'm going to try and really watch what I eat again, too. There is some left over pizza in the refrigerator but for lunch I am just going to have one piece and give the rest to the kids and have something else healthy with it!

I'm going to post here whenever I get a chance. I'm still trying to work as much as possible but I miss blogging!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The power of Exercise!

I know I haven't been blogging much due to a few things. I have been sick for the past week and a half, I've started this new job and have been trying to log in and work whenever possible (with 3 toddlers in the house, I dont have much time to do anything!). The past few days have been very stressful. A bunch of things going wrong at once! Cars broke down, my husband's boss is being an ass (my husband found out a few weeks ago that he has an infected cyst on his kidney and needs surgery to have it removed and tested for cancer), our landlord is mad at my mother in law so she is taking it out on's just been one thing after the other, more stress on top of more stress lately.

Anyway, my whole point of this post is to talk about the power of exercise. Like I said above, I've been sick for a week and a half now. A very bad chest cold. It was really bad in the beginning, now it's better but I still have a lot of chest congestion, coughing and wheezing. I stopped exericising when I first got sick and today was the first day I have attempted to exercise since then! I read a long time ago that when you are sick you should not exercise if you are having chest problems. Just going upstairs makes me wheeze and cough, however this past week has been hard for me with not exercising. I've noticed a big difference since I stopped exercising. I've felt depressed, I've had that "fat" feeling (if you are overweight, you know what Im talking about...there are some days when you just feel overly fat, lol). I have felt lazy because of not exercising and feel like I'm gaining my weight back just from the past week and a half of no workouts!

I decided to try something easy today..just walking at a fast pace. I did it for a little bit, maybe 15 minutes until my chest started hurting and I was wheezing again. I know I shouldn't force myself to work out when I'm still sick but I hate not getting that exercise in every day. I was going to attempt some light jogging today but if walking didn't go to well, jogging would probably kill me! Ugh, I hate this! I want to work out again but my body isn't working with me! When I get sick with a chest and head cold it always stays around for awhile, too. I'm going to keep doing the walking every day until my chest is better. I'm afraid that the more I sit around and don't work out the harder it is going to be for me to get back into it once I'm feeling better. Whether the numbers on the scale are going down or not, working out makes a huge impact on me mentally and physically! I feel better physically from working my body every day and I feel better mentally when I work out because it provides me with more energy and makes me a bit proud of myself for doing it every day! Even if the scales go down, I know that my body is going to be a lot healthier if I work out every day!

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Challenge is over...

And it sucked! We only have a couple of people who joined it and there wasnt much participation...and I lost my motivation for awhile, too. I don't even have much to report because Im not weighing myself anymore..the scales is the devil!

I'm still going to report once a week here. My weekend was super busy. We went to a concert on Saturday and stood for about 5 feet and legs were soo sore by the time we left! Then Sunday we went to the zoo and walked around for about 5 hours. My legs were tired but I had fun. A year ago if I had gone to the zoo I would have been complaining about the walking and wanting to sit down to rest a lot. The only time we sat down the entire day was when we were eating lunch, so I was proud of myself..but we were sooo wore out by the time we were finished. My husband and I especially because we had been out the night before! I feel like Im finally catching up on my sleep. My husband had yesterday off of work but I still had to work. That is one thing that sucks about working from home, we don't get holidays!

I did work out again this morning. My legs are feeling it, too, after all of the walking and then I did a lot of running today. But I dont mind, I like that feeling! I'm going to try to force myself to get back on track with my eating this week.

My husband has had stomach problems for a long time. Last year when we separated it got really bad to where he was throwing up blood. He went to a million different doctors and they could never figure anything out. He went to a new doctor a few weeks ago and they think it is his gall bladder. He had an ultrasound after his first appointment and they found a lot of stones, so last week he had to have a CT Scan. He's still waiting to hear back from the doctor on that. I told him that he needs to control his eating. He knows what foods will make him sick. Anything spicy. A lot of milk. Onions. Doritos. He knows that he will be sick but he still eats it anyway. I told him I dont want to hear him complaining about it anymore because he still keeps eating the same things. Then I started thinking that I cant really bitch at him for it when I cant control my eating either! Even though I dont get as sick as he does, I still am hurting myself because I should have lost A LOT more weight by now but I havent because I have so much problem controlling what I eat. Why does food have such control over me? I mean, think about it. We chew it, we swallow it and then poop it out! Why should that give us such satisfaction? Sometimes if I eat too much I feel like crap afterwards and have stomach cramps from it, but I keep doing it to myself! I dont eat as badly as I used to and my clothes are still loose, but I should have lost more by now. I was excited the other day though. When we went to NYC I bought a shirt there. It fit but I would usually stretch it out a bit for it to be really comfortable. So the other day I put it on and I didnt even need to stretch it like normal! It's such a good feeling when I notice things like that, so why do I keep sabotaging it? Sometimes I just feel so burned out and sick of worrying about calories and fat and working out...but I have to remember that the results are going to be worth it! I'm not getting any younger and I want to be able to enjoy myself and like my body before old age makes it all sag and hang everywhere anyway, LOL!