Monday, June 18, 2007
Eat to Live, Don't Live to Eat!
Food is like an addiction to someone like me. If you have never had an eating disorder then you will never understand it and probably laugh at me for calling it an addiction. That's what it is though. Someone who is like me craves food. Even when we don't necessarily truly feel hunger, we still crave it. We use food to comfort us when we are sad. We use food to reward ourselves when something good happens. The cravings sometimes get out of control and we feel like we need just one more "fix". One more candy bar. One more piece of pizza. Why? It's kind of dumb when you think about it. All that happens is you chew it up and swallow it into your stomach and then poop it out! Why should that process give us satisfaction? Why should we eat and eat until we feel sick? What makes us get to this point?
I was watching Celebrity Fit Club lastnight and Dustin Diamond (who I happen to loathe, btw) was saying that he wanted to eat what he wanted and be happy. It made me think, why should food define our happiness? Why should we depend on food to make ourselves feel better? Our life, our family, our jobs and so many countless other things in life should be what makes us happy, not food!
Ironically, the entire time I was watching it I was thinking about the leftover pizza in the fridge from the night before! I went into the kitchen to retreive it and couldn't find it anywhere in the fridge. I knew there was some left and I knew I hadn't seen my husband eat it, so where was it? Then I remembered something that my husband does sometimes. I don't know WHY he does it, but when we have leftovers he will usually just set them in the microwave until "later". LOL Sometimes later never comes because when the food is in the microwave we usually forget about it! So I checked the microwave and there it was. It had been in the microwave for over 24 hours, ofcourse it couldn't be eaten. I was so pissed at my husband! Asking him why he doesn't just put food in the fridge instead of just sticking it in the microwave! I was so mad because I had been thinking about that pizza all night and I wanted it! Even though I knew I shouldn't be eating it, I wanted it! Then I sat there asking myself why was I getting so mad over a couple slices of stupid pizza? Why was I getting THAT upset over it? How stupid is that to get mad over food? It's not like I'm starving and needed it. It was just because I wanted it! I was then able to calm down and realize how dumb I was acting and realizing that I didn't need to eat it and honestly wasn't even very hungry!
Why does it have to get to this point? My great aunt once told me, "I don't eat because I want to, I eat because I have to". I laughed it off and sarcastically said, "me, too!". That's how it should be though. Food is meant to nourish the body and give us energy not to be an addiction! How did it get to this point? What happened in my head that I feel that stuffing my face will make me feel better? That's disgusting! Today, I kind of have a new outlook on food. Maybe i had an epiphany lastnight because of the stupid pizza and yeah, dumbass Dustin Diamond. I need to eat to live, not live to eat!