Friday, July 13, 2007

Sooooo frustrated!!!!

So after I had that little talk with myself I kind of got my butt back in gear. Did really good for the rest of the week eating wise and worked out every day. There were many times that my husband and kids were eating junk food and it looked good, but I didn't touch it! I decided to weigh myself this morning to see where I stood and I'm back UP another f'n 3 pounds. I literally cried when I saw that..and then I threw my scale (yes, I do have a bad temper). I can't believe it. I mean even though I haven't been doing the BEST lately I am doing sooo much better than how i used to be. I mean I used to just eat and eat and eat whatever I wanted and never exercised...and even when I'm eating badly now it's not nearly as bad as it used to be and I'm still working out 4-5 days a week. I've been stuck at this stupid same weight since April! I'm just at a loss now. (but not literally, unfortunately). When I first saw the number, I cried and then was about to say "screw it" and just go back to how I used to be instead of stressing about it, but I can't do that. I know I feel a lot better and I know not to just depend on the number on the scales, but damn it's frustrating when the numbers don't go all!!!! ... Another problem is my depression. I weened myself off of my anti-depressant for 2 reasons. One was because it was too much of a hassle to have to go to the doctor every time I needed a refill..and the place I got it from before made me go talk to a psychiatrist on top of the check ups..and I don't think I need a psychiatrist! I'm depressed, I'm not a lunatic. ..and another reason is because I knew I was feeling better due to my weight loss and wanted to see if I could control my depression. It's not going so good. I think that was part of my problem last week and the beginning of this week. My depression is coming back. I'm emotional all the time, my mood swings are crazy. I hate it. It's so difficult for ME to be able to get to the doctor because of the kids. My husband can't take off of work. We have no one to watch the kids except my mother in law and she works 2nd shift. My 3 1/2 year old has to go to Speech Therapy every week. I need new glasses and can't even get to the doctor for that! I really think I need to get back on my anti-depressant but I'm going to try my hardest to control it on my own and not let it control me. Anyway, once I started eating better this week and really putting my all into my workouts I started to feel better about myself and then this morning brought me right back down! I want sooo badly to just go stuff my face, but I'm not going to. For breakfast I had 2 multi-grain waffles with sugar free syrup and a glass of skim milk and ive had 2 bottles of water so far today. Now I have to get ready to take my son to therapy then have lunch, then work. Then after work my husband and I are going out to see one of his friends perform so we are going to be in a rush as soon as I'm off of work and are planning on just picking up fast food on the way there...I'm going to make sure I made a healthy choice though. Im going to really, really challenge myself this weekend to be good..and I'm staying away from the scales for a long time......

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  1. Give your weight a couple of weeks. Getting off the anti-depressants will affect that. Just try not to be too hard on yourself. That's a tough change to make.

  2. Coming off meds is such a crapy time anyways. Im sorry you didnt see any loss best of luck!