Pizza Is The Devil

I thought I did pretty good this week. I worked out every day, even twice yesterday because I played Just Dance with my kids last night, too! I had a few slip ups with eating, but I wasn't super worried about it. I wasn't sure if I was going to weigh in this week or if I was going to wait til next week. I decided to weigh myself at like 3am when I went to the bathroom.. and it said I was 5 lbs more than I was last Friday? What the crap?? Only thing I can think of is that I think I forgot to take my BP medication yesterday and it helps me to get rid of any retained water. This is one reason I wasn't sure about weighing in every week. Yes, it gives me something to look forward to and focus on every week, but on weeks like this when the scale goes in the wrong direction, I don't want to get discouraged and give up. I'm not going to though. I still worked out this morning and I really pushed myself!

My biggest saboteur right now is Pizza. It's my favorite food, has been since I was a kid and my mom said she craved pizza when she was pregnant with me. If there is leftover pizza, I have to eat it, knowing that it's out there in the fridge. This is what I need to work on. I'm not going to deprive myself of foods that I love, I just need to learn to not pig out on it. I can have a little of it along with something healthy. I just have to remind myself of that when pizza is around! It's my weakness, hands down.

I got some real inspiration the other day watching the first episode of My 600lb Life on TLC. This first woman weight over 600 lbs and had the gastric bypass surgery and lost over 500 lbs! She had to have a lot of surgeries though to get rid of all of the excess skin. I'm not going to get surgery, but it still inspired me to see someone sooo HUGE down to less than 200 lbs. Can you imagine how different that would feel? To go from a body that is soo uncomfortable you can barely walk, down to a thin body that can do anything? I always thought that I was just a fat person. My mom is heavy, her mom was heavy. It's in our genes, and in our jeans. I kinda just thought it was impossible to lose so much weight and ever be considered thin. I just never thought it was possible for me because I've been big since I was about 5 or 6 years old. It's all I know. I don't want to be the fat girl any more. Even when I lost 45 lbs a few years ago, I still felt fat because I still WAS over weight. It just seems like it would take sooo long to lose it all. When I first started this blog, it was the beginning of 2007. That's when I lost 45 lbs. Now, when I think back, I think, if I had just stuck with it, I would be thin now.

When I watch the Biggest Loser and weight loss shows, it always seems that the person has had some sort of traumatic experience that made them turn to food. I don't think I have something so traumatic that made me like this. I think I was just raised that way. When I was a kid, my mom and I lived on mac and cheese, hot dogs, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and fast food. If something good happened to one of us, we would reward ourselves with food. If we had a bad day, let's order pizza. It's that comforting feeling that food brings to me.. and it's almost as if I don't feel satisfied until my stomach is so stuffed that I can't breathe! How do I stop this?

This is Melissa on GMA standing behind the skirt she once wore. Amazing.

After All This Time....

I'm back! It's been a long time since I've posted in this blog. I lost interest in it awhile ago, but now I have decided to resurrect it (as if my.other 3 blogs don't keep me busy enough). I've come a long ways since the very beginning of this blog. It originally started out as strictly a weight loss blog, then I sort of broadened it and began posting about my depression and working on my self esteem. I'm still going to do that. I don't know how often I will be able to post here but I will try my hardest to post when I can.

Where am I now? Well, since I last posted here, my husband and I moved into our own house last year, I also graduated college, but I'm still job hunting :o(   . I did my externship at a Physician's Weight Loss Center, ironically enough. I learned a whole lot there about weight loss and how to eat better. I got to use the program for free while I was there as an extern. When I weighed myself on their scale, I was shocked and embarrassed to see how high I let my weight get again, after I lost 45 lbs. I gained it all back, PLUS some. Disgusting. I lost 14 lbs while I was there. I weighed in every day and my supervisor kept on my ass about what I ate, lol, so I lost while I was there, but of course, after I left, I kinda stopped. At the same time I was working there, I also got put on blood pressure medication by my doctor because it was running too high. I've been trying off and on since then to lose weight, but haven't put a whole lot of effort into it. I was shocked when I got on the scale this morning and saw that I have lost a total of 24 lbs since I was at the weight loss center. Yeaahhh! I still have a long ways to go, but that really gives me a kick in the butt to keep up with it. I'd like to be able to get off of the b.p. medication. I also noticed that the pair of jeans I put on today are loose on me and they used to be the kind that I had to suck in my stomach just to zip up.

As it stands right now, I'm trying not to concentrate so much on losing pounds, but more on improving myself and my health. Some of the main things I'm trying to work on is to CONTROL MY FOOD ADDICTION! I've been making small steps, like if I begin thinking about having a snack, I think to myself, "you don't NEED it". It's mind over matter and I need to control what I put in my mouth and how I think about food. I'm also trying to eat better foods and less junk foods/carbs.. I'm trying to make little steps this time in the hopes that I can stick with it and slowly reach my goal.

I don't expect to be skinny, but not being HUGE would make me happy. I'm still not going to post my weight. Not yet. I'm still embarrassed of the number, but I'm hoping that I will make enough progress that I will be proud to say, "I used to weigh THIS much, but now look!"

I may also post some motivational stories, photos, or quotes because some times these things really do help.

I probably lost all of my readers a long time ago, but I"m back. Leave me a comment if you are around and say hello! I'm always looking for a weight loss partner.. just to check in with each other and keep each other motivated! Leave a comment if you are interested.

Oh and here is a motivational photo that Bob Harper posted on Facebook. I love these pics, it shows me that it really IS possible to lose it without going on a TV show! I don't know who this gal is, but she looks amazing!!!

Like to Know How Things Are Made

Like to Know How Things Are Made

Thanks for the post, Erasmo Wiley

“How It's Made” is a great television show. Seeing how everyday objects are manufactured is really interesting to me. I watch it on my http://www.expertsatellite.com every chance I get. When the show has some really interesting items that will have their manufacturing processes shown, I record it on my DVR. From raw materials to finished product, the show demonstrates in great detail how things are made.

I remember Fred Rogers showing little segments of how things were made when I was a child. I've always wondered why no shows were made that had the entire premise being about showing how things are made. In Pennsylvania, there is a PBS show that shows what goes on inside some of Pennsylvania's factories, but “How It's Made” shows products from around the world.

The factory segments are fascinating to me. Seeing the machines produce vast amounts of a product from raw materials is really interesting. There has been more than one occasion when I've used a product and wondered how it came to be. The sheer volume of raw materials that go into making a simple item such as a snack cake for the masses just boggles my mind. Giant bags of flour and sugar are dumped into mixers that are big enough for a group of people to stand in. Then the machines go to work all the way to the point of packaging and shipping. It's good to know where things come from and how they are made.

**This is a paid post.

Self Esteem Tips and Positive Affirmations

No one responded to my last post. Well, one nice person did wish me luck, but that was about it. Ah well, at least my husband is being supportive. He has been a great help with working out. I've been working out twice a week for now. He really pushes me, he makes me mad some times, but he doesn't let me give up, and I always push harder than I think I can. I'm not weighing myself, not going to worry about numbers anymore. I will judge my weight loss on my clothes and how I feel. I've been feeling a lot better since working out first thing in the morning. My body just feels better afterwards, and I feel stronger phsyically and mentally. Easter weekend hasn't been very good food wise, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I will get there. I know that I will never be THIN or skinny. I just want to be lighter than I am now, and healthier for my family.

I came across an article awhile ago and I saved it specifically for this blog. It was on different ways to help boost your self esteem. The article states that some ways to boost your self esteem are: exercise, eating healthy, participating in things you enjoy, socializing with friends, and taking care of yourself. Those are all great tips, but I also wanted to add something in here about positive self affirmations. I believe that they do work; I've tried them myself. I wrote about them a long time ago here, but wanted to reiterate a few points. First, make a list of things you like about yourself. For instance: I am a caring person. I am a strong woman. I'm great at making people laugh. If you want, you can hang a list up around your house, so that you will see these things often. Repeat them to yourself a few times a day, especially at night before going to bed. You may feel silly at first, but after awhile, your mind will begin to believe these things about you, and you will notice that you develop more confidence in yourself.

If anyone is, or has used self affirmations, leave me a comment and tell me a few of the affirmations you use for yourself! It may give others a better idea on various things to say, or think about!

Fat Old Me.

I've been repeatedly asking myself if I should even bother to keep this blog going, or if I should just throw in the towel. I really have no regular followers on this blog. I've put the majority of my energy into my work at home blog, even my Rants In My Pants blog has more hits than this blog, lol. I don't have much time to network with other blogs, or recruit new followers, but am I ready to give up? This blog has actually been through a lot.

I started this blog in January of 2007. Initially it was going to be my weight loss blog. My Journey To A New Found me-- my struggle with losing weight. It was great at first, I lost 45 lbs on my own. I worked out at home, on my own, watched what I ate, and it worked! I went through a lot of difficult things in my marriage, and ended up gaining it all back, eventually.

Last year, I really began to work on myself. I went on an anti-depressant to help control my depression and anger problems. The meds. have helped immensely. I've really improved myself. I'm happier. I'm more patient. My marriage is going great right now. I'm in college now, improving my life and making new friends. I wrote about a lot of these changes in this blog as well. Since it all has to do with finding the NEW me.

There's just one thing that keeps holding me back. All of this fat!! I'm gaining control of everything else in my life, but why can't I control my weight?

I've started over today. Again. Trying to eat better, and work out a few times a week. My husband is helping out by pushing me with working out. He does a really good job with coaching, he pushes me to do more than what I think I can do. ..

I'm writing this post, asking for help from someone out there. Someone who knows what I'm going through. Someone who can help me through this. A cheering section, maybe? Someone that I can be accountable to? Is there anyone out there? I will even give you my private email if you are out there? I'm calling to you... can you hear me? The days and years are ticking by, and this weight is going to make my life shorter and shorter. I want to be around to watch my kids grow up, and have babies of their own. I'm gonna try, really try to write more in this blog, and my other blogs. This blog will be all about me, and becoming the woman I want to be. Weight loss, motherhood, wife-hood, college, work.. I'm finally growing up at the ripe old age of 32 (and only a few weeks left of this age, too, argh!!). Any takers?