A Blah Kinda Day

Hello, my name is Deanna and I am a food addict. There, I said it! I weighed myself this morning after not weighing for two weeks and gained 2 lbs! WTF?? I know I haven't been perfect, but I have still cut way back on my calories and overeating, plus been working out 5 days a week. I did eat a lot of salty foods yesterday, so I'm probably retaining water. I'm kinda sad about it, but I'm trying to talk myself out of it and not get discouraged. I'm feeling so much better just from losing 30 lbs, I don't want to go back to my old ways and gain that 30 lbs back. I'm still going to keep working out as much as I can. I'm just gonna have to control my eating better. Why is this such a struggle for me? If the food is put in front of me, I will eat it... and I have a family to feed, so I can't just stay away from food! I have to make it! I have to work on portions and stopping myself when I get full instead of making myself eat the entire thing. I don't know what happened that I have it ingrained in my head that I have to eat it all. I don't know if it was a babysitter I had when I was little who always made me eat everything? I don't remember everything so I can't be for sure. I remember bits and pieces of her making me eat. She was an evil old hag, too!

I always feel like I have to eat it all. If we go to a restaurant, I feel like I have to eat it all because it won't be as good warmed up later. If we order pizza and I know there is still some left over in the box, I just keep thinking about it, even when I'm not hungry. What fucked up my head this way? Food should be about nourishment and getting energy, not enjoyment. We shouldn't get a euphoric "high" from eating food, it should just be a part of our daily life like taking a shower and brushing our teeth. Even when my stomach is full, I sometimes still reach for more. I have been better about sticking with only eating what is on my plate and not going back for seconds, but it's still a struggle. Do I need help to get past this addiction? Do I need support from friends and family? I really don't have much support apart from my mom. My husband and I have kind of drifted apart the past few months. I mention once in awhile about me losing weight, but he doesn't say anything, no compliment or anything. If I lived in my hometown, I would have a few friends there to get together with and work through this with but since we moved to a different town, it's a 40 minute drive so it's not like we can get a workout group together or something.

I'm just having a blah kinda day today. Woke up tired and just feel lazy. Yes, I feel LAZY today. Do you ever have lazy days? I just feel blah, and want to just relax a little bit today and not have to stress over getting shit done. I hate days like these and I hope tomorrow is better!

My sarcasm for the day!