Depression has affected my life for quite a few years now. I recently wrote about my experience with Depression on my Madam Sarcasm blog. After I wrote that, I began thinking about the effects it has on me that I didn't realize it had and also how depression affects my attempts at weight loss.
One question I wonder is: Has depression always been there and was it the cause of my obesity, or am I depressed because I'm fat? OR, would the depression have been there any way whether I was fat or thin? Hmmm, things to ponder.
Most people who are overweight eat because food gives them a "high" and a sense of comfort. Depression can make weight loss harder because of the constant mood swings. I can be "up" one minute, and then "down" the next. I have bad days where I'm just sad and everything makes me cry and I need that one thing to give me some comfort: food. How do I learn to find something else to give me that same comforting feeling that won't add calories to my diet? Is this a demon that I am going to have to fight for the rest of my life?
I was reading another blog about depression a few weeks ago. This woman talked about social problems depression has caused her and that when you are depressed you can't or don't want to deal with emotions. It really made me start thinking.. a lot. I've always been extremely shy. I have gotten better as an adult but it's still there. I feel uncomfortable around people that I don't know and I always feel like people are laughing at my behind my back because I'm fat and that everyone is staring at me. I have a problem starting up conversations with strangers or even keeping up with conversations as sometimes I just can't think of anything else to say. I've always been the quiet, shy one that just stood on the sidelines watching everyone else.
This blogger talked about how we run when we are faced with a lot of emotions. I never thought of this until I read her post. For one thing, when someone cries in front of me, it's almost as if I freeze and don't know what to say or do. I know I should reach over and give them a hug and tell them it's alright but I just freeze up... except when it comes to my kids. When my husband and I argue, I also freeze up. I don't like any type of confrontation. I become tongue tied and I lose my thoughts and don't know what to say, so I usually leave the room. I have a horrible anger problem.. sometimes I am just so mad it feels like my chest is going to explode. I feel like I have rage inside of me that I don't know how to get out and when I'm pissed.. I AM PISSED! I will also say a lot of horrible things that I don't mean in the heat of an angry moment. I never thought of all of these things being a sort of disconnection due to depression. I many times don't know how to deal with my emotions whether they are angry or sad. Is there some connection with my depression and being overweight?
Has anyone else experienced real depression?
I am visit from the Thirsty for Comments blog hop. I could have seriously written this post except I don't eat for comfort, I have to fight not eating because I want to be able to control something. Weight gain or loss can really be a side effect from depression. It depends on where you get your comfort. I also freeze up during moments of confrontation. It drives my husband crazy.
ReplyDeleteI actually go through phases. When I am severely depressed, I don't eat at all. I have no appetite... but once I begin feeling better, I start to eat.. and eat. I hate it.
ReplyDeleteI too could have written this post. I swear that reading it I was shocked at how similar we are. You're asking questions about depression, I've been doing that too. I wonder is depression hereditary or environmental. It seems depression goes back several generations in my family. And why does it seem like EVERYone we know suffers from it in one form or another now but back in the 50's, 60's or so women did a lot more amd were happier. Ex: My grandmother cooked 3 huge meals a day for at least 9 people, helped in the fields, kept her house spotless, always had a knitting or crochet project going,and I remember her watching Price is Right everyday! Ok so seriously, was that an era of superwpmen? Were they depressed and still functioned like that? I'm thinking about talking to women of that generaton and just asking how did they do all that. Keep us updated on your journey to find your answers. Its very encouraging to hear how someone else is dealing with depression. Thanks also for your honesty. TTYL, Stacie
ReplyDeleteWow Stacie, you brought up some good points! My grandmother was the same way. Her husband died when my mom was 13 years old, and she had to work plus be wonder woman at home.. and she always took the time to watch the Price is Right! haha. I don't know if depression is in my family background because my mom was adopted and my father is not in my life, so I will never really know. I think depression is diagnosed too easily these days.. there's a difference between suffering from severe depression and just getting the blues once in awhile. Everyone feels down sometimes but for most people, I don't think it lasts or affects their life as much as it does mine or anyone else suffering from major depression. Thanks for commenting!
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