Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Bad day today...

Having a bad day today. Christmas got me a bit depressed this year. Ever since I had my kids I've loved Christmas and have always been very excited about it! This year just seemed different. I wasn't as excited as normal. Then the closer it got I started to remember LAST Christmas and how happy I was. Things seemed to be going wonderfully for my husband and I.. almost perfect in my eyes. This year it's just the complete opposite. I enjoyed watching my kids' faces with their gifts but that is about the only thing I enjoyed.

Then today we had an appointment with our Marriage Therapist. I always feel drained after one of our sessions but today was just the worst. I feel like I'm being attacked and blamed for everything.. even by the therapist! I know that my problems are SOME of OUR problems, but not all of them! I'm being told that my depression is part of the problem. Now I'm being told that I'm too controlling and that is part of the problem. I mean, so far, it's all been MY problems and what I am doing wrong and NOTHING about my husband! Like he just sits back like he's soo f'n innocent. Now I'm just feeling like the most horrible person on the planet. I feel like I'm the one being blamed for all of our marriage problems. I've always thought of myself as being ugly on the outside but beautiful on the inside.. now I feel like I'm ugly on the outside AND Inside.. and feel like Im just.. unlovable. Am I really that terrible?? I feel like it. I feel like I just want to crawl under a rock and die right now.

The Prozac HAS been helping though. Before all of this happened I was just feeling calm and content on it. I noticed that I wasn't getting upset as easily over things. I wasn't crying all of the time... I've had no side effects from it at all. I'm very happy about how much it is helping.. but it's things like this.. I guess it is called circumstantial depression that no medication can help. I mean, for what I'm going through right now I don't think that anyone would NOT feel depressed.


  1. Moods are supposed to up and down. No medication is going to make you "happy" all the time. Like you said, Prozac is helping you cope better. That is what it's supposed to do.

    As for your marital problems, it can't all be your fault. The day will come when your husband has HIS turn in the hot seat. Only so much can be done in one therapy session.

    Hang in there. You are doing great!

  2. Well.. it's been 3 or 4 sessions now and so far it's ALL been about me and what I am doing wrong!

  3. I think oprah did this

    Here is a great article i found about
    the acai berrys. I didnt know about this
    stuff and wish i had along time ago. Hope
    this helps.