After All This Time....

I'm back! It's been a long time since I've posted in this blog. I lost interest in it awhile ago, but now I have decided to resurrect it (as if my.other 3 blogs don't keep me busy enough). I've come a long ways since the very beginning of this blog. It originally started out as strictly a weight loss blog, then I sort of broadened it and began posting about my depression and working on my self esteem. I'm still going to do that. I don't know how often I will be able to post here but I will try my hardest to post when I can.

Where am I now? Well, since I last posted here, my husband and I moved into our own house last year, I also graduated college, but I'm still job hunting :o(   . I did my externship at a Physician's Weight Loss Center, ironically enough. I learned a whole lot there about weight loss and how to eat better. I got to use the program for free while I was there as an extern. When I weighed myself on their scale, I was shocked and embarrassed to see how high I let my weight get again, after I lost 45 lbs. I gained it all back, PLUS some. Disgusting. I lost 14 lbs while I was there. I weighed in every day and my supervisor kept on my ass about what I ate, lol, so I lost while I was there, but of course, after I left, I kinda stopped. At the same time I was working there, I also got put on blood pressure medication by my doctor because it was running too high. I've been trying off and on since then to lose weight, but haven't put a whole lot of effort into it. I was shocked when I got on the scale this morning and saw that I have lost a total of 24 lbs since I was at the weight loss center. Yeaahhh! I still have a long ways to go, but that really gives me a kick in the butt to keep up with it. I'd like to be able to get off of the b.p. medication. I also noticed that the pair of jeans I put on today are loose on me and they used to be the kind that I had to suck in my stomach just to zip up.

As it stands right now, I'm trying not to concentrate so much on losing pounds, but more on improving myself and my health. Some of the main things I'm trying to work on is to CONTROL MY FOOD ADDICTION! I've been making small steps, like if I begin thinking about having a snack, I think to myself, "you don't NEED it". It's mind over matter and I need to control what I put in my mouth and how I think about food. I'm also trying to eat better foods and less junk foods/carbs.. I'm trying to make little steps this time in the hopes that I can stick with it and slowly reach my goal.

I don't expect to be skinny, but not being HUGE would make me happy. I'm still not going to post my weight. Not yet. I'm still embarrassed of the number, but I'm hoping that I will make enough progress that I will be proud to say, "I used to weigh THIS much, but now look!"

I may also post some motivational stories, photos, or quotes because some times these things really do help.

I probably lost all of my readers a long time ago, but I"m back. Leave me a comment if you are around and say hello! I'm always looking for a weight loss partner.. just to check in with each other and keep each other motivated! Leave a comment if you are interested.

Oh and here is a motivational photo that Bob Harper posted on Facebook. I love these pics, it shows me that it really IS possible to lose it without going on a TV show! I don't know who this gal is, but she looks amazing!!!

Fat Old Me.

I've been repeatedly asking myself if I should even bother to keep this blog going, or if I should just throw in the towel. I really have no regular followers on this blog. I've put the majority of my energy into my work at home blog, even my Rants In My Pants blog has more hits than this blog, lol. I don't have much time to network with other blogs, or recruit new followers, but am I ready to give up? This blog has actually been through a lot.

I started this blog in January of 2007. Initially it was going to be my weight loss blog. My Journey To A New Found me-- my struggle with losing weight. It was great at first, I lost 45 lbs on my own. I worked out at home, on my own, watched what I ate, and it worked! I went through a lot of difficult things in my marriage, and ended up gaining it all back, eventually.

Last year, I really began to work on myself. I went on an anti-depressant to help control my depression and anger problems. The meds. have helped immensely. I've really improved myself. I'm happier. I'm more patient. My marriage is going great right now. I'm in college now, improving my life and making new friends. I wrote about a lot of these changes in this blog as well. Since it all has to do with finding the NEW me.

There's just one thing that keeps holding me back. All of this fat!! I'm gaining control of everything else in my life, but why can't I control my weight?

I've started over today. Again. Trying to eat better, and work out a few times a week. My husband is helping out by pushing me with working out. He does a really good job with coaching, he pushes me to do more than what I think I can do. ..

I'm writing this post, asking for help from someone out there. Someone who knows what I'm going through. Someone who can help me through this. A cheering section, maybe? Someone that I can be accountable to? Is there anyone out there? I will even give you my private email if you are out there? I'm calling to you... can you hear me? The days and years are ticking by, and this weight is going to make my life shorter and shorter. I want to be around to watch my kids grow up, and have babies of their own. I'm gonna try, really try to write more in this blog, and my other blogs. This blog will be all about me, and becoming the woman I want to be. Weight loss, motherhood, wife-hood, college, work.. I'm finally growing up at the ripe old age of 32 (and only a few weeks left of this age, too, argh!!). Any takers?

Some new self motivation for losing weight

I've mentioned a few times about wanting to get back into losing weight. I did soooo good when I first started this blog then when my husband and I began having problems again I got out of the routine and gained most of it back! I went to a new doctor the other day and according to THEIR scale I gained it all back PLUS some! In fact, their scale said I've gained 20 lbs just since being at my old doctor a few months ago. My husband had been to this doc a few times and said he thought the scales were off because it was way over what other scales said.. I tend not to believe that I've gained 20 lbs in the last 2-3 months just because my clothing is not any tighter! I've yet to weigh myself at home though.. waiting to do that until tomorrow morning!

My husband and I both got a big eye opener the other day which gave BOTH of us some motivation to get our butts back into gear! A few days ago we spent the day at Lake Erie. First we went to see a lighthouse. Our kids wanted to go up to the top of it. We did, not thinking of HOW we would get up there, lol. Seventy seven steps is what it takes to get up there. 77! At first I thought, ehh, 77 isn't TOO bad. Heh. I got about half way up before I started breathing heavily and my legs felt like they were going to give out underneath of me. I knew I could have stopped to rest but I didn't want to because there were old people in front of us doing better than I was! I'm talking about people in their sixties being in better shape than me! and I'm 3??? I was too embarassed to stop and rest however I realized that I was fine doing it, i didnt pass out or fall over, I still did it! Normally I would have given up but my pride pushed me harder than I would have pushed myself! I did make it though! After the trip to the lighthouse we took the kids to Cedar Point. Cedar Point is a huge amusement park, I think it's one of the biggest in the country, right on Lake Erie. It's only an hour away from us and my husband and I grew up going there just about every summer as a kid. I haven't been there in 14 years though, mostly because it's sooo freakin expensive to go! Plus, I was afraid that I couldn't fit on some of the rides and didn't want to be embarassed in front of people there OR my friends.

We had a lot fun at Cedar Point. It was all for the kids this time though and we spent most of it waiting on them to go on the kiddie rides! Our oldest son was big enough to go on the kiddie coaster so my husband decided to go on it with him. He got on the coaster and the seat belt wouldn't fit! He had to get up with our son in front of everyone and leave, until the woman running the ride had him trade seats with someone else where there was a bigger seat belt to try. Holding up the line and ride, he got into the second seat and the seat belt did fit but just BARELY. The woman running it proceeded to jump up and down and "woohoo" it up, just drawing more attention. I watched from afar with our younger twins, feeling so horrible for my husband, however I do know that he does not get embarassed easily and things that would embarass me don't really embarass him! They DID get to go on the ride but it was a rough start!

That night before going to bed we were talking about what happened and he told me that he was embarassed of it, but yet also pissed off at america.. I mean why do they make seat belts soo short when you can tighten them up?? But anyway, I'm off point now.. he said it was motivating him to want to get in shape and lose some weight. So, we are doing it together. Starting today! Eating healthier and trying to be more active as much as we can. I've done it before so I know I can do it again. We also decided that we are going to do this together so that next year we can go to Cedar Point and ride ALL of the roller coasters without having to worry about being able to fit in the stupid seat! I guess it will be a bit of a fear breaker for me as well as I'm afraid of heights and normally stick to the mild roller coasters. I've always been too scared to try the BIG ones, but if I can lose weight then I want to over come this fear as well AND with my husband! Isn't that good motivation? That's just on TOP of all of the other motivaters I have in my life, especially now that my kids are getting older and more active!

So, that's where I am right now. Back to trying to lose weight. Not trying to DIET, trying to change my habits as this needs to be a life long change! I've gone back on sparkpeople.com (link on my fave websites list over to the right). If anyone is on there feel free to add me as your friend!

Oh and also, I've just enrolled in college! I was taking some online courses for Vet. Technician but I just think hands on classes would be better for me. I start August 31, 3 evenings a week 4 hours each night. Yikes! I'm very nervous about this. Normally I would be worried about going to a class with a bunch of strangers but I'm not even worried about that! I'm worried about TIME and having time to get everything done! As if I'm not busy enough with the kids and working and cleaning.. etc., now add on 12 hours a week of classes PLUS homework!! My oldest son starts school on the 25th so now we will be busier and he will have his own homework to do as well! I already get burned out as it is, I don't know how I'm going to handle all of this but I am going to do my best and hope/pray that my husband helps out more! Soooo, that's where I am! Here are a few pics from the other day at the Lake!