A Blah Kinda Day

Hello, my name is Deanna and I am a food addict. There, I said it! I weighed myself this morning after not weighing for two weeks and gained 2 lbs! WTF?? I know I haven't been perfect, but I have still cut way back on my calories and overeating, plus been working out 5 days a week. I did eat a lot of salty foods yesterday, so I'm probably retaining water. I'm kinda sad about it, but I'm trying to talk myself out of it and not get discouraged. I'm feeling so much better just from losing 30 lbs, I don't want to go back to my old ways and gain that 30 lbs back. I'm still going to keep working out as much as I can. I'm just gonna have to control my eating better. Why is this such a struggle for me? If the food is put in front of me, I will eat it... and I have a family to feed, so I can't just stay away from food! I have to make it! I have to work on portions and stopping myself when I get full instead of making myself eat the entire thing. I don't know what happened that I have it ingrained in my head that I have to eat it all. I don't know if it was a babysitter I had when I was little who always made me eat everything? I don't remember everything so I can't be for sure. I remember bits and pieces of her making me eat. She was an evil old hag, too!

I always feel like I have to eat it all. If we go to a restaurant, I feel like I have to eat it all because it won't be as good warmed up later. If we order pizza and I know there is still some left over in the box, I just keep thinking about it, even when I'm not hungry. What fucked up my head this way? Food should be about nourishment and getting energy, not enjoyment. We shouldn't get a euphoric "high" from eating food, it should just be a part of our daily life like taking a shower and brushing our teeth. Even when my stomach is full, I sometimes still reach for more. I have been better about sticking with only eating what is on my plate and not going back for seconds, but it's still a struggle. Do I need help to get past this addiction? Do I need support from friends and family? I really don't have much support apart from my mom. My husband and I have kind of drifted apart the past few months. I mention once in awhile about me losing weight, but he doesn't say anything, no compliment or anything. If I lived in my hometown, I would have a few friends there to get together with and work through this with but since we moved to a different town, it's a 40 minute drive so it's not like we can get a workout group together or something.

I'm just having a blah kinda day today. Woke up tired and just feel lazy. Yes, I feel LAZY today. Do you ever have lazy days? I just feel blah, and want to just relax a little bit today and not have to stress over getting shit done. I hate days like these and I hope tomorrow is better!

My sarcasm for the day!

Did You Survive Fat Tuesday?

Ugh, the past week hasn't been too great. First I was sick, then my monthly enemy friend showed up. I decided that I'm not going to weigh on shark week (I love calling it that!), for a few reasons. First of all, I don't exercise much during that time because I sometimes get realllly bad cramps, the type that hurt even when I'm just sitting! Plus, my eating gets all out of wack and I get all bloated and crappy. I decided to skip that week of weighing so that if the number goes up or I don't lose, I won't get too discouraged. That's not saying that I have a "freebie" week though. I've still been trying to exercise and control what I eat. Although, I lost control a few times this week. *sigh*

Something strange happened earlier this week. I hadn't exercised in about 4 days because of being sick and having cramps. I was feeling almost lost without working out. I actually WANTED to workout and I got up and did it! and have done it every day since. I think exercising is turning into a habit for me. I feel so much better on the days that I work out in the mornings. It gives me more energy during the day and I just feel better about myself. Yeah! .. I have done the workout video a few times that I won in a giveaway, but I don't like it too much. It's just not exciting. I used to do Turbo Jam and a Biggest Loser video when I lost weight before. I loved Turbo Jam! It was difficult at first but after awhile I was able to do the entire workout and it felt so good!

How many of you would be offended by this? *raises hand*. At first glance, I would be offended by it.. but how many overweight people are too ashamed to admit that it's true? Unless you have some sort of metabolism or thyroid problem or a medical reason that you are overweight, you eat too much! I admit it. I love food! It relaxes me and it's almost like a "high". I'm not one of those people that you see on TV who eats like 5 bowls of cereal every morning along with 10 eggs and 10 slices of bacon. I don't eat like THAT.. but I used to eat until I was stuffed to the gil. I would eat so much that I couldn't breathe. This is the hardest thing for me to overcome. I can add exercise into my life, no problem. Controlling what and how much I eat is a big problem. My brain is programmed to eat everything on my plate, even if I'm stuffed. Even if it means that I feel sick afterwards. How many of you are addicted to food?? Admit it, here and now!

What can we do to overcome this addiction? It's worse than drug addiction or alcohol addiction in my opinion. We have to be around food every day and everywhere we go. We can't just quit eating cold turkey and never look at another piece of pizza again. We HAVE to deal with it. We have to stop our thoughts before we let them take control of our mouths. I think this is when we should remind ourselves of WHAT we are doing this for! Remind ourselves of our health, of our kids, of the fun things we want to do when we are smaller. That stuff is so much more important than pigging out. We have to figure out how to re-train our brain. Any ideas??