My Embarrassing Interview (and Update)

I've actually had a good week! I didn't eat much over the weekend.. really didn't have an appetite and both days probably had less than 1000 calories (not on purpose.. just wasn't feeling too well). The weather this week has been beautiful. Since Tuesday it has been in the 70s. Tuesday, when the kids got home from school, we took the dog and walked around the local reservoir. The kids were complaining more than I was, "my legs hurt.. my feet are tired".. Really??? You guys are thin and healthy, shut up!!! The walk felt good and when we got home the dog ran to get a drink of water and then pretty much collapsed on the floor (he needs to lose some weight, too). Wednesday, my twins go to a kids club thing at school after school for an hour, but my oldest doesn't go.. so when he got home, he and I walked around the neighborhood. Then yesterday morning, before lunch I took the dog for another walk around the reservoir. I'm loving the weather and these walks! I had a job interview on Wedsnesday. I have these pair of nice dress pants I wear to interviews. I don't wear them often because they are usually uncomfortably tight.. but I put them on and didn't even have to struggle to zip them up.. they are comfortable now! Yeah!!!... I was excited to step on the scale this morning because I knew I did good all week. The results: a one pound loss. *sigh*. Yes, I know any loss is good.. but ONE freaking pound?? It was disappointing, but I'm still not giving up. My clothing is motivating me to keep going. The energy I'm gaining is motivating me to keep going. I even dreamt about becoming thin in my sleep the other night! I've never done that before. I actually have this feeling that it's going to stick this time. I hope nothing comes around to mess it all up for me. I won't let that happen. I already feel so much better about myself.. well.. for the most part....

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So Wednesday, I had a job interview. It was at a hospital working in the ICU. I was SUPER excited to get this interview. I had to go to the HR department first and wait for the ICU dept. head to come and get me. She was a very nice lady. We had to walk around and around and then up to the second floor. But, she decides it's easier to just take the stairs instead of the elevator. Of course, you know, in buildings like that, a floor usually consists of two stair cases instead of just one. At least it was only one floor.. but between being over weight and the chest congestion I still have from being sick a few weeks ago, I was out of breath when we got to the top. She walked me around the nurses area, showing me everything, while I'm trying to catch my breath and NOT act like I'm suffocating! We go into her office where it was nice and quiet and I was trying to stifle my heavy breathing, trying to take quiet deep breaths until my body calmed down. She was looking through paperwork so she wasn't paying much attention to me, but come on, she's an RN, I'm sure she noticed my breathing! I was sooo humiliated and embarrassed and disgusted!! Once I caught my breath, the rest of the interview went well. She did ask me about how my energy level was because it was a super crazy busy job. I tried to play it up like I'm full of energy and always ready to tackle any task given to me, but did she ask me that because I couldn't even walk up the stairs without huffing like a fucking horse? As she walked me out, she jokingly said that going down the stairs was easier than going up. I didn't know if she was just saying that as conversation or if she was meaning because I was so out of breath earlier? Am I just being paranoid? Now, If I don't get the job, I'm going to be convinced it was because of my fatness. ... This is one experience that has just motivated me more to keep going with this. I'm still young and shouldn't have a problem going up and down steps! One stair case would have been alright, but two of them took my breath away, literally.

Please, PLEASE keep your fingers, toes, arms, legs, boobs, whatever you can cross, crossed for me to get this job. It would be a freakin AWESOME job that I think I would just LOVE, plus it pays GOOD.. and we need it badly. I'm going to call and check in with the hiring woman later on today.